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Summerslam 2016 reactions!

Right, I already tried writing an intro here but my phone decided to wipe everything off that post. To sum it up, Summerslam was really, really weird.

The order of the matches was kind of all over the place, the world title was put in an awful position, the new ‘world’ title looks ridiculous and the crowd. Oh, the crowd just took me right out of the whole thing.

I’ll just have a quick run through the matches that I actually saw (I may have missed the preshow because zzzzz).

Spoilers! 

JerichOwens def. Enzo & Cass 

JerichOwens is better than JeriKO. It just is. 

The match was decent, they’re all charismatic as hell and I really like Owens and Jericho as a team, even if it is just something for both guys to do for a while.

The finish was a little messy, Y2J was a tad late on the Codebreaker. I expect better matches to come in this fued as it goes on. 60%

Charlotte def. Sasha Banks (c)

I can only assume that Sasha Banks is taking some time off. I am not a fan of really short title reigns, and this one just seems like it should have gone longer.

The match itself was surprisingly shoddy. Banks got dropped nastily on her head twice, one looked like her own fault, the other Charlotte’s. If there’s one thing good wrestlers do though, it’s sell those kind of botches, and Sasha certainly did that. I thought she was legit injured for a good five minutes.

Creative finish, sets up a rematch well enough as Sasha had her submission locked in. I also thought the position on the card was weird, especially with what followed leading up to main event. 53%

The Miz (c) def. Apollo Crews 

Miz is turning into a grand IC champ. The hate the guy gets is going to end up causing a huge pop for whoever takes that belt from him.

Last night was not the night for Crews. The match was fine, forgettable but not offensive. Probably a combination of Miz not being quite technical enough and Crews not quite being over enough. The win came out of nowhere, a couple of extra minutes would have pushed the match up a mark. 45%

AJ Styles def. John Cena 

Match of the night. Match of the year, even. Incredible wrestling from two incredible wrestlers, and sooner or later people will start seeing John Cena as one of the top wrestlers working right now.

The pair of them did things I’ve never seen before, an absolute classic from the second AJ won clean. Where does he go now, do we have Styles v Ambrose in store? 

Quick note, the way the crowd treated Cena while he attempted to have a moment in the ring was disgusting. Yeah the man’s probably not retiring, but booing him was unacceptable. 97%

The Club def. The New Day (c) by DQ

Meh. Jon Stewart. The whole Doctor thing. Big E. drinking his testicle formaldehyde. Big E. apparently having a testicle that looks like a lemon.

There was also a wrestling match, it was fine. Fine. Swap this with the Women’s Title match on the card and we might have got a better brawl out of those ladies. 50%

Dean Ambrose (c) def. Dolph Ziggler

I don’t watch WWE programming religiously, so I was confused watching the WWE Championship match and seeing Dean Ambrose looking very heelish. It suited him to a degree, but if he is going bad it seems a bit soon. 

I was sure this match would be great, but on the theme of the night it was just fine, passable. I expected high 80s, I ended up under 70. The charisma of both Ambrose and Ziggler kept this match from being as low as some of the matches that preceded it. 68% 

Natalya, Alexa Bliss & Nikki Bella def. Becky Lynch, Naomi & Carmella 

Cigarette break. I love Becky Lynch, but six people tag matches very rarely hold my interest. On that note it may be unfair to give it the lowest mark of the night, but it’s the only one that made me want to leave the room. Also, Nikki Bella is back. Yay. 35%

Finn Balor def. Seth Rollins – Balor wins the WWE Universal Title

First off, Balor winning is a mistake to me. Rollins was the number one draft pick, should have carried that first title, which is a world title by the way. Finn Balor is a world champion. How long did it take Roman Reigns, and how much does he get booed for it?

Their situations are obviously separate; Balor having worked for over a decade on other continents, but I just think it would have made more sense for Rollins to carry the top Raw title, since he’s been there before.

As a match it was enjoyable, certainly not the match of the night as I had predicted, but still a good first big battle between these two. With luck they’ll clash again down the line and get better and better. The lack of drama hurt, Balor won after one single Coup De Grace. 75%

Rusev v Roman Reigns – no contest

As a buffer between the main events this worked, putting another full title match in here would exhaust the crowd before Lesnar-Orton. It did drag a little though, for me they took five minutes from another match on the night. Not a lot to rate, the Spear saved it totally dragging and flopping. 50%

Brock Lesnar def. Randy Orton 

Well, I find myself in Catch 22 with this one. This match should not have closed the show, but would we have got that same shock from that ending if there was more to come? I’d have a world title match to finish, but they were both lacklustre. 

So we find ourselves – at four o clock in the morning I might add – staring in utter bemusement at Randy Orton with a split head, Lesnar looking like he’d had a look at the script, wasn’t a fan, and decided to spill a puddle of Orton’s brain onto the mat.

The match was Lesnar being Lesnar, Orton hitting an RKO out of painfully obviously not nowhere, and then just beginning to build up some steam before the aforementioned head-splitting. If they had two more minutes of Orton offense, this match could have been up in the high 80s for me.

Was the finish worked? Was Shane supposed to come out and eat an F-5? Whatever the hell happened it made for a must see moment that adds to the Brock Lesnar mystique. What’s the last match you watched that contained bleeding, that didn’t involve Lesnar? 82%

My first reaction after watching was that it was a pretty good show. Having slept on it, Summerslam was really quite average. Cena-Styles was amazing, Lesnar-Orton was compelling, but other than that not much to say. Without having read them, I think I did really well with my predictions this time around. Check them out if you like on my sports page. 

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Summerslam 2016 predictions! Darren v Emerald III

(This is unfinished, I forgot to get Emerald’s opinions and she’s in bed now as I watch SummerSlam, I just want it to be clear I made these predictions beforehand. Will update tomorrow hopefully) 

Anyone who still cares about these know the deal by now, so let’s just do it!

*epic intro music would go here if this were a video*

Carmella, Becky Lynch & Naomi v Natalya & Alexa Bliss

DH: I don’t think I could possibly care less. Team Becky Lynch because she’s my fav.

Cesaro v Sheamus 

DH: So apparently this is a best of seven, I assume Sheamus will win the first and Cesaro will play catch up because that makes watching this match seven times more exciting.

The Miz (c) v Apollo Crews

DH: Miz to retain, he’s actually doing well at the moment and it’s too soon for this Crews chap.

Enzo & Cass v Chris Jericho & Kevin Owens 

DH: Maybe Jericho and Owens, they’ve just started teaming so give them a win. Plus they’re both hilarious. 

The New Day (c) v The Club

DH: New Day, they just won’t lose those titles ever until WWE push it too far and everyone gets sick of them. The Club are good though, and I have great respect for those who are bald yet grow beards.

Sasha Banks (c) v Charlotte 

DH: Sasha just won it right? So Sasha Banks. I am famed for my disdain for short title reigns. Famed by me. 

Rusev (c) v Roman Reigns 

DH: Please don’t give Reigns a title right after he gets suspended. That would be a stupid. Rusev should win, though I’m not a huge fan. 

Brock Lesnar v Randy Orton 

DH: I put this here hoping the two championship matches go on after it, but looking at them that’s not really going to happen is it? This is the toughest one for me, I don’t think anyone should beat Lesnar, but what good does that do? Orton, why not.

Seth Rollins v Finn Balor 

DH: Rollins, easy. Match of the night though.

Dean Ambrose (c) v Dolph Ziggler 

DH: Ambrose, easier. Stunned that Ziggler even has a title shot. Should be the second best match of the night. 

(Almost) immediate WrestleMania reactions

WrestleMania is over, I wore a tiara throughout. Let’s talk about it. The show, that is. I feel the headwear accented my shirt wonderfully. Okay now the show. After this…

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I honestly can’t remember the first match. Five hours is a long time. Speaking of which, it’s 6am and I still can’t sleep so I’m going to write some things.

Quick caveat on everything from here on in: it’s my opinion. If I say something wasn’t right or was brilliant, just put ‘in my opinion’ at the end of it, I’m not typing it out 800 times. 6am.

Oh it was the ladder match! That was quite good, Ryder popping up and winning was a great twist I didn’t see coming at all.

Jericho v Styles was my match of the night, as I thought it might be. Brilliant, wasn’t sure why Jericho got the win but looking back he is still Chris Jericho, he should still win quite a lot.

I had no interest in the tag match, luckily I was sat back down in time to be knocked speechless by Shawn Michaels’ music. Then Foley’s. Then Austin’s! Then they all danced with The New Day and I can’t decide if it was even worth having them for that. I think it was though.

Ambrose v Lesnar was good, but felt like it ended way too soon and too abruptly. It was building really well and then an F5 and then over. Hmm. Don’t even get me started on a chainsaw being part of any of that match, or WWE, A PG WRESTLING SHOW.

The Women’s title looks fine, I prefer the old Women’s belt but any toddler’s doodle would be better than that butterfly belt. Good that it’s being put on a par with the men’s title though. Match was also great, the ending not so much.

Shaq. Good. Battle Royal done.

Undertaker v Shane-O-Mac was bang average, and honestly pretty boring. I didn’t expect much more to be honest. Then Shane jumped off the cell and I forgot everything else that has happened this week. Except legends dancing. Just kick them all HBK!

Main event was meh. Triple H’s entrance was so underwhelming, which is acceptable as he is the bad guy in this feud but still, meh. Steph’s speech before it was pretty excellent though.

The match again was okay, really good in places. It was just so obvious that Reigns would win and the fans did not agree with this, but he put on another good match. Maybe one day he’ll be accepted.

So the Wyatts did appear. They got squashed and ridiculed by The Rock, and then John Cena came back and helped to crush them further. However, they got mic time with one of the biggest stars ever, and a small amount of ring time with two of them. Let’s just hope it leads somewhere they can benefit from, cough cough Brock Lesnar cough cough what the hell ever happened to that angle cough cough cough.

All in all it was a good WrestleMania. Not great, not awful, just not particularly memorable I don’t think. Shane MacMahon has given me the only memory I’ll probably take from the whole show. Just a couple of tweaks to the finishes and the match times and I’d have been a lot happier.

Well I saw HBK and Bray Wyatt, which was what I was after. I felt like the Wyatt segment was a total waste of time to get Cena back in alongside Rocky for some cheers, but if it ends up leading to a big time feud they actually win it will be well worth it.

That’s about it for now, this has made me sleepy. It’s now 6:15am, for all my thoughts as they happened check my Twitter. It should be right next to this post at the top of my page.

A chainsaw. Who believes that on a live television show, a pg television show, that a chainsaw would be used in a fight? I know we suspend a LOT of logic when it comes to wrestling, but that was just too much for me.

Have a nice day, bang bang!  – Cactus Jack

Wrestlemania 32: Darren v Emerald II

It’s  that time of year where I talk about wrestling again!

So, at SummerSlam last year, Emerald beat me in our little prediction battle by one match. This Sunday, I will have my revenge!

First, let’s see the contenders. Emerald is EM, I am DH, I assume this is obvious but you never know in this world. It’s spandex time!

Oh yeah, just to mention – just like last time… – there are some sweary words below that don’t appear in my usual blogs. You’ll once again notice, that they are all Emerald. Leggo.


Kalisto (c) v Ryback

EM: Ryback, cos… Ryback.

DH: Kalisto, cos… Kalisto. And I like to see the title retained for a while. Next.


The Total Divas v B.A.D. & Blonde

EM: That sounds fucking horrific. Go with Paige then. I stick by what I said. (The Total Divas)

DH: Can’t argue that this match sounds utterly pointless and awful. Going with Paige as well, and do not really want to say any more about this. There’s a team called The Total Divas, and Summer Rae and Lana were fighting each other the last time I watched this thing.


The Usos v The Dudley Boyz

EM: Don’t really care, but I’ll say, mmmm…. I’ll guess, The Usos.

DH: Go Dudleyz! But yeah The Usos will more than likely win, and I like them so let’s both go for them.


Triple H (c) v Roman Reigns

EM: ROMAN REEEEIGNS! -laughs when she sees that’s what I’d already written.- I do like Triple H but Roman Reigns is my fav. After last year we deserve a win.

DH: Everything just screams Roman Reigns, it’s so obvious to me that he’s gonna end up champion again. That’ll make him a three time WWE Champion if I’m not mistaken, which in the space of a year is ludicrous. So on that I’m kinda hoping WWE swerve us all and I’m going for Trips. Man looks huge and can’t wait for his entrance this year.


Dean Ambrose v Brock Lesnar

EM: Sigh. I’m going to guess that there will be 8 German Suplexes. There’s gonna be a lot of running around outside the ring. I reckon Brock’s gonna bleed. It’s hard to say who will win, like if wrestling was real then Brock Lesnar would win. Dunno I’m just going to have to take a wild guess at this one and say… What do you think?

DH: Well you’ll hear what I think in about five minutes.

EM: Well i can’t decide. Brock, go Brock.

DH: Must be Lesnar, surely. The stipulations give Ambrose a chance, but surely surely Shirley it’ll be Brock. And I’m saying 11 Germans.


Shane McMahon v Undertaker

EM: Undertakerrr. That’s who I want to win. I like The Undertaker.

I took a brief sidebar to explain the stipulations of the match to Emerald and she is sitting wide eyed at me.

EM: They can’t do that! It’s Undertaker. See if he loses I’m gonna biff. Well, yeah, out of hope. I actually, like, I always just predict who I want to win.There was one at Summerslam that I didn’t want to win. I’m cold it’s cold.

DH: I don’t know what I want to happen. I don’t want Undertaker to lose to a part time guy who hasn’t been around in about six years and doesn’t exactly put on five star matches, but Shane winning and taking over Raw would be better for the long run. But since I just watch the PPVs and am not in it for the long run I’m also going Taker.


Charlotte (c) v Becky Lynch v Sasha Banks

EM: I literally could not give a fuck.Go with Sasha Banks, but I literally couldn’t care any less. Like I’m bored even just talking about it. Like I could probably win that match. I could probably win all the matches to be fair. It’s just not as entertaining.

DH: This is the women’s match I really want to see. I hope they get a good half hour and smash it our of the park. I also hope Becky wins, cos outside of Paige she’s my fav. Expecting good things and the crowd to be into it!


Kevin Owens (c) v Sami Zayn v Dolph Ziggler v Zack Ryder v Sin Cara v Stardust v The Miz

EM: Are they all against each other? It’s gonna come down to Ziggler and The Miz. And The Miz is probably gonna win to piss everybody off. It’s the WWE, they like to piss people off. Unless it’s a kid with cancer, then they’re nice. How do they even make that type of ceiling?

DH: There are no words to respond to this answer. I fancy Owens for another retention, but I’ve already got both the other singles titles being defended, and I think Owens is off to hopefully higher things. Nothing else makes sense to me though, too soon for Zayn, too late for Ryder, Miz and maybe even Ziggler. I like the idea of champion vs champion Sin Cara v Kalisto, but I’ll say Sami Zayn because that’s what I see happening.


AJ Styles v Chris Jericho

EM: Jerichooo! We saw him in December and he kept smiling at me and he doesn’t wash his hands after going to the toilet. I got the setlist, from the show, and I’m doing my next pole dance to one of his songs.

DH: Gotta be Styles, hopefully they do better by him than they did Sting. I just hope they don’t screw him over because of his TNA ties. Fully expecting this to be my favourite match of the night.


Andre the Giant Battle Royale

EM: I don’t know, that’s too many people. Read them again. I’d say like, Big Show, Kane and Mark Henry will definitely be in there for a while. But that’ll be the thing won’t it the last four people will jump out, cos noone cares about the rules. (What?) I’d like to see Kane win. So I vote for Kane. Not Trump.

DH: Do not care but I really hope The Wyatt Family aren’t in it. Let them go cause carnage in all the other matches. I’m gonna have Cesaro come back and win it, because why not.


New Day v League of Nations

EM: (itching leg and purring) I’m so cold. Not too bothered about this match. I’ll say League of Nations will win. I don’t care enough to say anything witty.

DH: League of Nations. No titles on the line, 3v4 match, I hope they just make them look good, because I think they could and should be interesting.

 

Two days to go, I really hope Bray Wyatt has something to do with a big match this year. To go from Undertaker to nothing in a year is ridiculous. Any appearance from Shawn Michaels is also always appreciated by me.

Have a nice day, bang bang! – Cactus Jack

Summerslam results! Darren vs Emerald

If anyone hasn’t heard, last week I teamed up with Emerald to have a little Summerslam competition. Well, it’s time to see who won!

This hopefully won’t be as achingly wordy as the prediction post, so I’ll save thoughts on the matches and event as a whole for during/after.

Right then, let’s jump straight in!

Sheamus def. Randy Orton (DH 0-0 EM)

Good start, so the whole ‘Sheamus will lose and cash in’ plan was out the window before half 11. Also Emerald predicted an announce table breaking for this match – albeit before we knew it was on first.


The New Day def. Prime Time Players, Lucha Dragons & Los Matadores (0-0)

Meh, tag teams. Dudley Boys are back though! Sad PTP lost. Next!


Dolph Ziggler vs Rusev ended double countout (0-0)

I probably should’ve predicted that these predictions would go badly. Also this match, ending especially, was just unexciting.


Stephen Amell & Neville def. Stardust & King Barrett (1-0)

I got one right! I thought the celebrity had to win, but what a performance by Arrow person! Doing kicks and jumping and stuff.


Ryback (c) def. Big Show & Miz (2-1)

To be honest I was outside for the first half of this match, but it looked a fun little filler match that didn’t exploit Show and Ryback’s flaws. Everyone came out looking pretty good.


Roman Reigns & Dean Ambrose def. Bray Wyatt & Luke Harper (2-2)

Emerald pegs me back, sadly. Not happy about the finish, Reigns got an even harsher reception than usual for some reason, but I definitely think if Reigns & Ambrose were going to win they had to be pinning Harper, not Wyatt.


Seth Rollins (c) def. John Cena (c) (2-3)

Well I could not have been more wrong, so despite Emerald’s unhappiness at picking Rollins she was right. New double champ though! Exciting, I shall see if he still has both titles at whatever the next PPV is.


Team PCB def. Team Bella & Team B.A.D. (3-4)

Slightly above the standard Diva match. Wrestling quality is way better, still failing to care.


Kevin Owens def. Cesaro (4-4)

The penultimate match, and I bring it back! This was probably my favourite match wrestling wise, but like the Diva match it didn’t feel like it had any emotion to it.


Undertaker def. Brock Lesnar (4-5)

Aaaaand, my ridiculous decision to throw a Lesnar curveball in lost me our first blog-related wrestling post. Yes. Although, TECHNICALLY, Taker tapped out (!!!) so Lesnar should’ve won. The whole ending made a great match into a bit of a farce, until Lesnar flipped off Taker and passed out.



 

Winner: Emerald!

Undertaker’s laugh. Just had to say that. Lesnar-Undertaker, Cena-Rollins and Owens- Cesaro were my favourite matches, in that order, Shield-Wyatt coming in just behind them.

Cool, all done. Still really late but earlier than the Wrestlemania one!

I’ll see if Emerald wants to add anything here, until then I may even get another post fired on here today.

Have a nice day, bang bang! – Cactus Jack

Summerslam Predictions – Darren vs Emerald

This is a suuuuuper long post, but bear with us here.

Finally the card for Summerslam is (presumably) completed, so I brought Emerald back to do what we were planning on doing before the questioning thing: A full card prediction for THE BIGGEST PARTY OF THE SUMMER. Or something.

So we did, here it is. If you can’t be bothered reading some of it, the best matches are towards the bottom, to keep everyone hooked while we are being hilarious banterers.

We also thought it would be fun to do a little competition, so let’s see on Monday who has the most correct predictions. Let us begin! (All the bad language is from Emerald, so be warned there actually is some in one of my posts for the first time ever probably. And it starts almost immediately.)

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No caption necessary.

Let’s do this!

Dolph Ziggler vs Rusev

EM: I think, they’re both fairly shit, and I don’t really care what happens in this match because the only thing that I’ll be able to think of is the fact that Rusev’s not even from Russia. That’s stupid. And Dolph Ziggler, his highest point was when AJ cut all of his stuff up on stage. Nothing’s ever gonna be as entertaining as that.

Winner: I don’t know the writers, but I’m gonna say Ziggler.

DH: Ziggler is awesome by the way.

EM: He looks like the missing person from LMFAO.

DH: I’ll probably be starting with the let’s go Cena chants at this point so I won’t be paying much attention. I really like Ziggler, but I don’t really know any background. Sooooo…. I’m going to be boring and say Ziggler as well.

Winner: Ziggler


Team Bella vs Team BAD vs PCB

EM: To be honest the only reason that I won’t be viewing this as a bathroom break is because Paige. I like Paige. So I’m going to say on a hopeful note, that Paige and the other two bitches on her team win.

Winners: PCB

DH: Well I know that PCB, which by the way is a stupid name, I know they changed it because it shared a name with like, a porn channel but still. I know they’ve won like the last couple of matches that I watched but I like Paige and I like the Irish one so I want them to win. This is boring.

Winners: PCB


Kevin Owens vs Cesaro

EM: Going to say Cesaro to win because I think someone called Kevin Owens sounds like he should work at Tesco and not WWE. Disclaimer: I’m not saying anything bad about people that work at Tesco; I really like their sandwiches. Or people called Kevin Owens.

Winner: Cesaro

DH: So, from here on in I think it’s going to be less boring because I think Kevin Owens is going to win. Because he’s awesome…Cesaro’s awesome too…but I think Kevin Owens is going to win. But it’s going to be one of the two best matches of the night.

Winner: Kevin Owens


Stephen Amell & Neville vs Stardust & King Barrett

EM: I’m going to say, Stardust & King Barrett to win because they’re more experienced. They can’t have a King lose (logic) and I like Stardust’s costume (slightly less logic).

Winners: Stardust & King Barrett

DH: Well i’m going to say the other two. Whoever they are *is waving arms profusely* the guy is from Arrow and Neville’s finishing move is called the Red Arrow! Probably, I think. I like that, plus its WWE so they’ll let the famous person win.

Winners: Arrow & Red Arrow!


Prime Time Players (c) vs Los Matadores vs The Lucha Dragons vs The New Day

EM: I really don’t give a fuck about this match. There’s too many people going to be in the ring and I just can’t keep up with it. That’s it.

Winners: The Lucha Dragons They sound funky let’s say them. (Logic has pretty much left the building at this point.)

DH: I also don’t care about this match. But I like the Prime Time Players, I don’t understand how any other team has just magically got a shot and this seems to be pretty much the whole division. So I’m gonna say Primetime Players because “millions a dollas millions a dollas millions a dollas”

Winners: Prime Time Players


Bray Wyatt & Luke Harper vs Dean Ambrose & Roman Reigns

EM: Roman Reeeeigns and Dean Ambroooose. -starts kissing her phone case and rubbing it on her face.- Roman Reigns is bae. (Roman Reigns is on the back of her phone case.) I’m very excited to see Reigns and Ambrose together without that dickhead Seth Rollins. I do like Bray Wyatt, I do, but for this particular match I’m gonna be in my Reigns t-shirt, rooting for Reigns. I think Darren and I are going to have to sit on opposite ends of the table for this match because I know Darren’s going to want Wyatt to win but I think we’re just going to have to lay it on the table now that were separate to be rooting for the other person but console each other and be happy for each other whoever wins, and not rub it in the other one’s face.

Winners: Shield 2.0

DH: So obviously I want the Wyatts to win because I like them. I like Bray, he’s my favourite. I know that Bray beat Reigns at Battleground so I think Reigns and Ambrose are going to win. But I’m going to have my Wyatt t-shirt on and I’m going to be supporting them so I’m going to say they’re going to win. And I think that’s going to be the other best match.

Winners: Redneck City (I do like Ambrose very much, and Reigns too but not quite as much.)


Ryback (c) vs Big Show vs The Miz

EM: Ryback because out of those three he’s ma fav. To be honest I think Miz’ll just be a bit of an annoyance in that match. The other two are massive, he’ll bounce off them and get hurt and that’ll be him out and then once he’s out of the ring the real men can get down to business.

Winner: Ryback

DH: So I also think Ryback, but I also like the Miz. I think he’s good at talking and stuff. The Big Show is just painful to watch now most of the time. The match he had with Roman Reigns was good. But yeah, I want to see Ryback have the title for a while and I think he’ll win. Also he’s got a really weird shaped head, Do you not think? He’s got like a mohican made out of head.

Winner: Ryback


 

John Cena (c) vs Seth Rollins (c)

EM: I really don’t know. I feel like the writers are just lazy letting Cena win all the time, and I don’t like Cena, his legs are like the exact same length as his body, and it makes it look like he’s shit himself as he’s walking. And I don’t like his hat, I don’t think he’s a very nice person I think he’s a complete control freak, but I also hate Seth Rollins because he’s a big fat betrayer and as much as I want someone to beat Cena I don’t want it to be Rollins, but I don’t think they’d put Cena up against Rollins if that wasn’t the turning point to Cena losing a big match. So I’m going to say I think… that Rollins will win, but I’m not saying that I’m happy about it.

Winner: Seth Rollins (still not happy about it.)

DH: Right, before you start with your faces and stuff, John Cena has very good to match of the year matches with everyone.

EM: Can I just say before you start with your speech about all the things that make Cena great that I’m not interested in the life and time of John Cena just make your prediction and we will move on from this point in our lives.

DH: I hear what you’re saying, but no. You’ve said your piece, all I’m going to say is he continuously has great matches, recently he always seems to be trying new stuff. Most of the time when he talks it still annoys me, and also I think Seth Rollins is really good, He’s been really good in the ring and really good as like a whiny bad guy and I like that.

Winner: I think it’d be really cool to see someone with two belts at once but I don’t think it’s the right time for either of them to lose theirs so I’m going to say Cena wins by DQ.


Randy Orton vs Sheamus

EM: I like them both. I like Orton, I think he’s really good. Love a good RKO, we all know this. And I love Sheamus I think his whole character’s brilliant, and he recently got his septum pierced like me, and my hair needs redone so right now it is a bit orange. And he’s been really funny lately, so I don’t really have a preference I just hope it’s an enjoyable match to watch, and I hope wrestling wins. But I think what’s going to happen is that Orton will win, and then Sheamus will cash in.

Winner: Orton but it doesn’t really matter cos Sheamus will cash in.

DH: Ok, I don’t think Sheamus is going to cash in and thinking about it that would suck to see someone have two belts for like 5 minutes, but I think Sheamus won’t cash in tonight because I want him to have it for a while, the briefcase. I still think Orton’s going to win though, so they can tease a cash in later.

Winner: Orton


Brock Lesnar vs Undertaker

EM: -sigh.- -bigger sigh.- I don’t know. I don’t see why they’d have this match again if the outcome was going to be the same, and I would like it if Undertaker came back and won, I think that’s what everyone wanted at WrestleMania. Maybe they’ve just had that many letters of complaints that they’re going to rectify that tragedy. And I’d love them to stop selling those Eat Sleep Break The Streak t-shirts.

Winner: Undertaker

DH: Ok, I think that you made lots of sense, it doesn’t really make sense for Undertaker to come back and lose. I do think he sounded a little bit whiny when he came back the night after Battleground. And anyone else coming back and attacking Lesnar would have been booed, but I kind of want him to come back with the biker gimmick. That’d be awesome, and since it makes no sense for Lesnar to win I’m going to have to say that Lesnar’s going to win. BECAUSE CURVEBALL.

Winner: Lesnar



EMERALD’S FINAL THOUGHTS: I’m excited for Summerslam this year. I really hope Reigns finally wins and that I’ll really enjoy the Shield vs Wyatts match but the best match overall will be Lesnar vs Undertaker. Cena is a cunt. Reigns rules all. Wrestling is awesome. I hope they have nachos.

DARREN’S FINAL THOUGHTS:  I just want to say that I also think Sheamus looks awesome since he came back, love the beard braids. The best match for me will be Wyatts-Shield and the whole card in general looks really good.

So, who will win the first blog competition? Leave your comments on who made the better predictions! Oh wait, I’m not famous, I won’t be able to get away with that. Never mind, do it anyway, if you made it this far what’s writing one more word gonna do?

See you after Summerslam!

Have a nice day, bang bang! – Cactus Jack

Just football, mainly

While I have a few minutes when I’m actually on my laptop, without being sat waiting for it to back up all my damn files while being incapable of doing anything else simultaneously, I thought I’d write a little bit about the first couple weeks of the new FOOTBALL SEASON. Cue all the people who normally read my blog to immediately tune out since I don’t think many of them like football. If you don’t like football and did get this far, what you still doing here? It says right there in the title, I’m surprised you even clicked on this. Maybe the ‘mainly’ in there enticed you, so I’ll make it worth your while. Maybe. If you are here for the stuff that isn’t mainly, which include ramblings and sentence long TV reviews, scroll away down to the bottom.

So a few brief thoughts on the new season, plus a couple of things and stuff that haven’t really fit in to any other post I’ve done recently. Surprisingly most of them do have some kind of theme or point to them.

Firstly, Manchester United and Carlisle United are my two teams, so yes yes glory supporter yes my family have always followed them and some of them lived out there while I was growing up oh don’t matter ur a armchair fan u never been to a game okay I’ve followed them and supported them all my life and yes I do go to games when I can so silence, most of you that say that to me are Liverpool fans FROM CARLISLE.

That went better than I anticipated.

I’ve watched the first two Premier League games of United’s, and have been very pleased by the massive improvement in defence since last year. Shaw looks like he’s back to his Southampton best, Smalling continues to develop into the top centre back we’ve been needing since Vida left, and Darmian looks like the signing of the summer.

Of course it’s been two games and of course we won’t be keeping clean sheets all season, but Romero hasn’t done a lot wrong either and Blind won himself a MOTM in defence against Villa. If and when David de Gea leaves, though, I will be devastated. Always supported that man from his first awful season with us.

But yes, obviously we can’t rely on 1-0 wins all season, and will probably have three of that back four injured by Christmas, but signs are good there. Morgan Schneiderlin looks a hell of a buy in there as well, as despite my doubts van Gaal went and picked him up anyway, without even asking me. Rude.

Going forward we’ll be fine, Memphis will settle in Rooney will start scoring Mata is attractive and all will be well. Top two for us this season, if not better. And an FA Cup please, it’s been too long!

I tragically missed Carlisle’s 4-4 on Saturday because I was working, which will continue over the next three home games at least I believe. Having said that I just realised I had this Saturday’s shift cut so I can go to the Wimbledon game!

From what I gathered from a friend of mine – called Dom, or something, better text him about this weekend actually – we were great going forward, which backs up what I saw Tuesday night. Hopeful about our chances for the first time in many years, thinking about the top half or playoffs even…

We have a couple of nice looking centre mids, who seem to actually want the ball instead of screaming and running away from it, a decent couple of goalscorers and some decent depth (for League Two). We came out of that cup game Tuesday thinking we had a chance of seeing some entertaining, winning football at Brunton Park for the first time in a while.

Couple more stray thoughts, Stoke’s frontline is amazing and I would not be surprised if they finished fifth or higher this season, putting that out there, no doubt straight onto my list of terrible predictions. Liking Ranieri at Leicester too, and Giroud is still my boy.

I will put that predicted table from last season on here and see just how badly I did soon, just jogged my brain.

This may be the last post I ever write on this laptop, as it’s so old and temperamental I am thinking I’ll install Windows 10 onto it soon, which may tip it over the edge or save it, who knows. I’m a gambling man.

Speaking of gambling (sexy segue), my first two bets of the season did not come in. Make a mental note that from now until May any post about any topic has a chance of these kind of complaints being included.

True Detective finished AMAZINGLY! Colin Farrell’s moustache kind of made a return, and a bunch of stuff happened and it was crazy and oh my goodness I am excited. Gonna try and finish Sons of Anarchy next, especially since Emerald’s started it and I’ve been on Season 6 for about a year now.

I also need more money from somewhere, so if someone wants to pay me to write this shit for them I’ll gladly accept cash through the mail in an otherwise unmarked brown paper envelope. In fact, just send me cash through the mail in an otherwise unmarked brown paper envelope.

Summerslam is next week and Leeds fest the week after, so if anyone likes those things, well that’s good.

Guess I should find a neat way to tie up this post now.

Have a nice day, bang bang! – Cactus Jack

Post-Wrestlemania Wrestlemania Predictions…

So very late, but since I got one post out I’m in a flow. Since Summerslam is rolling up I might as well make this a prediction/results double.

So for Wrestlemania I got a few right, got a few wrong. Some I didn’t mind being wrong about, others made me fume. I’ve pasted my old post in here, italicised it and filled in the results. Let’s take a look…

Battle Royal: Ryback

Why not, I have no interest in this or how anyone got there or what happens or watching it. Ryback seemed to be gaining popularity last time I watched with the whole Survivor Series thing, so let’s go for him.

Wrong. Meh. Big Show winning was such a let down, especially when it came down to him and Mizdow.


IC Ladder Match: Daniel Bryan

Best guess is Bryan to keep people happy, since the entire world has decided he should replace Cena as the guy who wins everything. Until they get sick of him winning presumably. My second favourite is Ambrose, then Ziggler, for the same reasons.

Right. Hooray! Shame he had to vacate it so soon after, but Ryback won a decent Chamber match for it so it keeps the title pretty relevant.

Like N'SYNC, but with ladders.

Like N’SYNC, but with ladders.


Fatal 4-Way Tag Titles: Kidd & Cesaro

Just a feeling the current champions will win. I’m assuming it’s not one of those daft Fatal 4-Way matches where only two people are allowed in the ring at once and anyone can tag in anyone, I think that rule is stupid.

Right. Had to Google this to find out who won, couldn’t remember for the life of me. I was right though.

Awful belts, great hair.

Awful belts, great hair.


US Title John Cena v Rusev: Cena

Can’t wait to see Cena with the US Title. It’s going to make such a nice change, it will open up a bunch of new feuds for Cena, and it will make the title look good again. Having Cena and Bryan as the US and IC champs would be awesome.

Right. Not at all surprised at the result, little surprised Cena’s carried the belt all the way to now. In a good way, long title reigns are so much better to me. Side note, Kevin Owens.

Exactly what I wanted. LET'S GO CENA

Exactly what I wanted. LET’S GO CENA


Undertaker v Bray Wyatt: Wyatt

Wyatt needs to win this. Ideally it would have been with the streak on the line, but I’ve seen him calling out The Undertaker the last few weeks and he is just something else. Shame I couldn’t find a tshirt for Sunday.

Wrong. The whole fuming thing? Here. I’ve cooled down a little on it, but still think a Wyatt win would’ve been way more beneficial.


AJ Lee & Paige v Bella Twins: AJ & Paige

AJ and Paige (mainly Paige) are just the best/only good women not on NXT at the minute and should have this easy. Seriously though if you haven’t watched the women on NXT go do it, they’re so much better than the crap on WWE TV.

Right. Sadly AJ retired and The Bellas have been beating Paige constantly in the odd bits I’ve watched since.

What could have been :(

What could have been 😦


Randy Orton v Seth Rollins: Orton

Rollins doesn’t need this, he’s got his Money in the Bank and whatnot. Orton’s whole pretending to be back with The Authority and betraying them was played out horrendously. From what I saw anyway, I waited ages for him to come back and found it so disappointing. Should be an amazing match though.

Right. And holy good gracious, that RKO. Great match.


Sting v Triple H: Sting

Got to assume Sting will win his first ever WWE match, it would make no sense for him to lose unless they had no other plans for him after this. It’s gonna be way better than a Sting v Taker match mind.

Wrong. Why? Haven’t seen Sting back since then, unless I missed it (entirely possibly). Stupid decision, amazing entrances. ALSO HBK!!!


Roman Reigns v Brock Lesnar: Reigns

I kinda hoped that this match wouldn’t be so soon because I really wanted to see another year or so of Lesnar butching the whole locker room. The time probably should be now for Reigns though, unless he’s still getting booed out of buildings in which case losing might actually help him get some sympathy. Either that or getting cashed in on right after he wins and gets F-5ed through a table or something.

Wrong. But in a way right, as I mentioned the Money In The Bank cash in which DID happen. Mid-match maybe, and technically on Lesnar’s title. But Rollins pinned Reigns! Screw it, I was right!

So those were my predictions from a good five plus months ago, and I finally just now concluded them. I will hopefully be quicker with Summerslam, those predictions will be up soon.

Have a nice day, bang bang! – Cactus Jack

WrestleMania Predictions!

As a guy who hasn’t watched a full episode of Raw in over a year, and whose only full PPVs since last year’s WrestleMania have been Fast Lane and the Royal Rumble, I feel like the perfectly qualified person to predict all this year’s winners.

Come to think of it, I missed WrestleMania 30 as well…

Battle Royal: Ryback

Why not, I have no interest in this or how anyone got there or what happens or watching it. Ryback seemed to be gaining popularity last time I watched with the whole Survivor Series thing, so let’s go for him.

IC Ladder Match: Daniel Bryan

Best guess is Bryan to keep people happy, since the entire world has decided he should replace Cena as the guy who wins everything. Until they get sick of him winning presumably. My second favourite is Ambrose, then Ziggler, for the same reasons.

Fatal 4-Way Tag Titles: Kidd & Cesaro

Just a feeling the current champions will win. I’m assuming it’s not one of those daft Fatal 4-Way matches where only two people are allowed in the ring at once and anyone can tag in anyone, I think that rule is stupid.

US Title John Cena v Rusev: Cena

Can’t wait to see Cena with the US Title. It’s going to make such a nice change, it will open up a bunch of new feuds for Cena, and it will make the title look good again. Having Cena and Bryan as the US and IC champs would be awesome.

Undertaker v Bray Wyatt: Wyatt

Wyatt needs to win this. Ideally it would have been with the streak on the line, but I’ve seen him calling out The Undertaker the last few weeks and he is just something else. Shame I couldn’t find a tshirt for Sunday.

AJ Lee & Paige v Bella Twins: AJ & Paige

AJ and Paige (mainly Paige) are just the best/only good women not on NXT at the minute and should have this easy. Seriously though if you haven’t watched the women on NXT go do it, they’re so much better than the crap on WWE TV.

Randy Orton v Seth Rollins: Orton

Rollins doesn’t need this, he’s got his Money in the Bank and whatnot. Orton’s whole pretending to be back with The Authority and betraying them was played out horrendously. From what I saw anyway, I waited ages for him to come back and found it so disappointing. Should be an amazing match though.

Sting v Triple H: Sting

Got to assume Sting will win his first ever WWE match, it would make no sense for him to lose unless they had no other plans for him after this. It’s gonna be way better than a Sting v Taker match mind.

Roman Reigns v Brock Lesnar: Reigns

I kinda hoped that this match wouldn’t be so soon because I really wanted to see another year or so of Lesnar butching the whole locker room. The time probably should be now for Reigns though, unless he’s still getting booed out of buildings in which case losing might actually help him get some sympathy. Either that or getting cashed in on right after he wins and gets F-5ed through a table or something.

There we are, at some point on Monday or more likely Tuesday I’ll look back at this and presumably laugh at how hideously wrong I was about every match. Also, yes I know it’s pre-planned but people write this kind of thing about TV shows all the time. I’m pretty sure there’s like a full book series of Game of Thrones predictions.

So with that wonderful bad humour done, onwards to Sunday night! Well first work, then a party, then Sunday day time. But after that, Sunday night! I’m also predicting the best match will be Orton v Rollins, and the most epic moment will be during Wyatt v Taker.

Have a nice day, bang bang! – Cactus Jack

Better late than never…

I fear this blog is now going to be used a lot more sparingly than previously. I’m afraid since November things have not been going especially well, leaving me in no inspirational mood to write anything.

Never mind, I’ve come back to this now just to put some thoughts down about the year so far. Really I should either have got a post out around New Year’s or wait until the end of the month to do a monthly catch up. But again, never mind, the feeling to write may well go away as quickly as it arrived tonight.

The year started off well enough, good party and then my first ever trip to St James’ Park to watch Newcastle v Burnley. The hungover, insanely windy drive wasn’t fun, but the game was.

I am a Mr. I am an adult.

I am a Mr. I am an adult.

There have been a couple of fun nights out since then, one saying goodbye to Devon who’s now away in New Zealand – hopefully having far too much fun to read this.

I’ve been to see Birdman and Foxcatcher – both were excellent, Birdman was super-excellent. American Sniper has been pushed back to next week due to lack of friends available today. Really though, those other two films are well worth a watch.

Plenty of music things have been happening too. HIM and Yellowcard have jumped back up my favourite bands list. Fall Out Boy and Enter Shikari have both put out new albums that I am currently enjoying very much while writing this.

On Sunday (18th) I filled my car up with people and trotted up to Glasgow to see Slipknot, which as it turns out was my 20th concert, so that was nice. We got there way early so spent a good chunk of time in a pretty cool bar called The Libertine. Enter Shikari just sampled themselves, and it has thrown me off, so here’s a picture from said bar via Lydia the picture taker female person.

I was going for Kurt Cobain with the jumper, it turned out more Freddy Krueger/Dennis the Menace :/

I was going for Kurt Cobain with the jumper, it turned out more Freddy Krueger/Dennis the Menace :/

I hadn’t listened to Slipknot all that much since The Grey Chapter or even All Hope Is Gone came out, but their stage show and energy was unreal. The sound was a little off, but the Hydro in Glasgow is, I think, the biggest arena I’ve been to. Having decent seats we had an awesome view of the crowd on the floor and it was incredible.

This was the first picture I took, right as the lights went down...

This was the first picture I took, right as the lights went down…

 

Much better.

Much better.

I also have three videos uploading to my YouTube channel right now, but they’re taking such a grindingly long time that I’ll probably add them in post-posting. Yes, that does make sense. I just remembered that we also caught the end of Korn’s support set. They’re a band I’ve liked periodically, but they put on a great show too.

While I haven’t and don’t usually make any New Year’s resolutions or promises, this year I’d like to get to a few more gigs than I’ve managed recently. Mallory Knox are on my radar this year, and I’d like to get that total of 20 up to 25 or 26, depending on what comes up.

Anyway, the video upload is starting to make my old laptop quiver under the pressure of having too many things to do at once, so I’ll wrap this up and edit when they’re live. Will probably get another post in at some point in February, after my birthday in a couple of weeks when hopefully some more exciting things have happened. Also hoping to re-read and publish my first short story on here soon, mood permitting.

Oh, also I hammered through the full first season of Brooklyn Nine-Nine in three days this week, it is awesome! Go watch it! Bye-bye!

Have a nice day, bang bang! – Cactus Jack