Right, I already tried writing an intro here but my phone decided to wipe everything off that post. To sum it up, Summerslam was really, really weird.
The order of the matches was kind of all over the place, the world title was put in an awful position, the new ‘world’ title looks ridiculous and the crowd. Oh, the crowd just took me right out of the whole thing.
I’ll just have a quick run through the matches that I actually saw (I may have missed the preshow because zzzzz).
JerichOwens def. Enzo & Cass
JerichOwens is better than JeriKO. It just is.
The match was decent, they’re all charismatic as hell and I really like Owens and Jericho as a team, even if it is just something for both guys to do for a while.
The finish was a little messy, Y2J was a tad late on the Codebreaker. I expect better matches to come in this fued as it goes on. 60%
Charlotte def. Sasha Banks (c)
I can only assume that Sasha Banks is taking some time off. I am not a fan of really short title reigns, and this one just seems like it should have gone longer.
The match itself was surprisingly shoddy. Banks got dropped nastily on her head twice, one looked like her own fault, the other Charlotte’s. If there’s one thing good wrestlers do though, it’s sell those kind of botches, and Sasha certainly did that. I thought she was legit injured for a good five minutes.
Creative finish, sets up a rematch well enough as Sasha had her submission locked in. I also thought the position on the card was weird, especially with what followed leading up to main event. 53%
The Miz (c) def. Apollo Crews
Miz is turning into a grand IC champ. The hate the guy gets is going to end up causing a huge pop for whoever takes that belt from him.
Last night was not the night for Crews. The match was fine, forgettable but not offensive. Probably a combination of Miz not being quite technical enough and Crews not quite being over enough. The win came out of nowhere, a couple of extra minutes would have pushed the match up a mark. 45%
AJ Styles def. John Cena
Match of the night. Match of the year, even. Incredible wrestling from two incredible wrestlers, and sooner or later people will start seeing John Cena as one of the top wrestlers working right now.
The pair of them did things I’ve never seen before, an absolute classic from the second AJ won clean. Where does he go now, do we have Styles v Ambrose in store?
Quick note, the way the crowd treated Cena while he attempted to have a moment in the ring was disgusting. Yeah the man’s probably not retiring, but booing him was unacceptable. 97%
The Club def. The New Day (c) by DQ
Meh. Jon Stewart. The whole Doctor thing. Big E. drinking his testicle formaldehyde. Big E. apparently having a testicle that looks like a lemon.
There was also a wrestling match, it was fine. Fine. Swap this with the Women’s Title match on the card and we might have got a better brawl out of those ladies. 50%
Dean Ambrose (c) def. Dolph Ziggler
I don’t watch WWE programming religiously, so I was confused watching the WWE Championship match and seeing Dean Ambrose looking very heelish. It suited him to a degree, but if he is going bad it seems a bit soon.
I was sure this match would be great, but on the theme of the night it was just fine, passable. I expected high 80s, I ended up under 70. The charisma of both Ambrose and Ziggler kept this match from being as low as some of the matches that preceded it. 68%
Natalya, Alexa Bliss & Nikki Bella def. Becky Lynch, Naomi & Carmella
Cigarette break. I love Becky Lynch, but six people tag matches very rarely hold my interest. On that note it may be unfair to give it the lowest mark of the night, but it’s the only one that made me want to leave the room. Also, Nikki Bella is back. Yay. 35%
Finn Balor def. Seth Rollins – Balor wins the WWE Universal Title
First off, Balor winning is a mistake to me. Rollins was the number one draft pick, should have carried that first title, which is a world title by the way. Finn Balor is a world champion. How long did it take Roman Reigns, and how much does he get booed for it?
Their situations are obviously separate; Balor having worked for over a decade on other continents, but I just think it would have made more sense for Rollins to carry the top Raw title, since he’s been there before.
As a match it was enjoyable, certainly not the match of the night as I had predicted, but still a good first big battle between these two. With luck they’ll clash again down the line and get better and better. The lack of drama hurt, Balor won after one single Coup De Grace. 75%
Rusev v Roman Reigns – no contest
As a buffer between the main events this worked, putting another full title match in here would exhaust the crowd before Lesnar-Orton. It did drag a little though, for me they took five minutes from another match on the night. Not a lot to rate, the Spear saved it totally dragging and flopping. 50%
Brock Lesnar def. Randy Orton
Well, I find myself in Catch 22 with this one. This match should not have closed the show, but would we have got that same shock from that ending if there was more to come? I’d have a world title match to finish, but they were both lacklustre.
So we find ourselves – at four o clock in the morning I might add – staring in utter bemusement at Randy Orton with a split head, Lesnar looking like he’d had a look at the script, wasn’t a fan, and decided to spill a puddle of Orton’s brain onto the mat.
The match was Lesnar being Lesnar, Orton hitting an RKO out of painfully obviously not nowhere, and then just beginning to build up some steam before the aforementioned head-splitting. If they had two more minutes of Orton offense, this match could have been up in the high 80s for me.
Was the finish worked? Was Shane supposed to come out and eat an F-5? Whatever the hell happened it made for a must see moment that adds to the Brock Lesnar mystique. What’s the last match you watched that contained bleeding, that didn’t involve Lesnar? 82%
My first reaction after watching was that it was a pretty good show. Having slept on it, Summerslam was really quite average. Cena-Styles was amazing, Lesnar-Orton was compelling, but other than that not much to say. Without having read them, I think I did really well with my predictions this time around. Check them out if you like on my sports page.
(This is unfinished, I forgot to get Emerald’s opinions and she’s in bed now as I watch SummerSlam, I just want it to be clear I made these predictions beforehand. Will update tomorrow hopefully)
Anyone who still cares about these know the deal by now, so let’s just do it!
*epic intro music would go here if this were a video*
Carmella, Becky Lynch & Naomi v Natalya & Alexa Bliss
DH: I don’t think I could possibly care less. Team Becky Lynch because she’s my fav.
Cesaro v Sheamus
DH: So apparently this is a best of seven, I assume Sheamus will win the first and Cesaro will play catch up because that makes watching this match seven times more exciting.
The Miz (c) v Apollo Crews
DH: Miz to retain, he’s actually doing well at the moment and it’s too soon for this Crews chap.
Enzo & Cass v Chris Jericho & Kevin Owens
DH: Maybe Jericho and Owens, they’ve just started teaming so give them a win. Plus they’re both hilarious.
The New Day (c) v The Club
DH: New Day, they just won’t lose those titles ever until WWE push it too far and everyone gets sick of them. The Club are good though, and I have great respect for those who are bald yet grow beards.
Sasha Banks (c) v Charlotte
DH: Sasha just won it right? So Sasha Banks. I am famed for my disdain for short title reigns. Famed by me.
Rusev (c) v Roman Reigns
DH: Please don’t give Reigns a title right after he gets suspended. That would be a stupid. Rusev should win, though I’m not a huge fan.
Brock Lesnar v Randy Orton
DH: I put this here hoping the two championship matches go on after it, but looking at them that’s not really going to happen is it? This is the toughest one for me, I don’t think anyone should beat Lesnar, but what good does that do? Orton, why not.
Seth Rollins v Finn Balor
DH: Rollins, easy. Match of the night though.
Dean Ambrose (c) v Dolph Ziggler
DH: Ambrose, easier. Stunned that Ziggler even has a title shot. Should be the second best match of the night.
Back to the blog! Toyed with trying to start a YouTube channel but I don’t yet have the testicles for it.
Speaking of YouTube, one of my most favourite people has started up his own channel, and two of the videos he’s put up will be the same as my weekend’s posts, so go check him and his friend out here.
Onwards with the review!
Suicide Squad was so enjoyable. I have no idea why. The film in general was a complete mess plotwise, and it played out like a slightly less convoluted Batman v Superman. Feels like we could have had two or three movies for these characters before this one to give them all the time and stories we need to care about them.
Deadshot and Harley were the best characters, shockingly they had the most screen time and character development. Captain Boomerang was fun (well done Jai Courtney) but underused, as was Diablo. I just straight up didn’t like Killer Croc.
I’m sure there was someone else, but the fact I can’t remember tells me they didn’t need to be there.
The Enchantress was not great but she did the job. Although I didn’t know what the hell her and her brother were doing or why, they worked as well if not better than any other recent superhero film villain.
I liked the relationship between Rick Flag (Rick? I can’t remember again) and Deadshot, for the most part. I just wouldn’t have made them be such bros at the end, like Mr. Flag literally threatened to kill them all for the entire film, just to be forgiven because he’s sad about his girlfriend. At least she wasn’t called Martha.
The one thing that contributes more to the overall confusion – behind the plot – is the flip flopping that goes on with the characters.
So at first they’re prevented from abandoning their nonsensical mission by explosive chips in their neck, but then as soon as Mr. Flag disarms the chips they just follow him into a massive-as-balls third act fight because his girlfriend is still inside evil Cara Delevigne somewhere.
Also, didn’t Boomerang actually leave in that scene only to reappear in the slomo montagey walking into the danger shot? Was that just for a cheap laugh or what?
I liked them killing off Slipknot early, it showed they weren’t messing on with their killing death chips. There were a few bits that gave me a chuckle but the constant pop songs through the first third were so distracting. Like totally took me out of the film every time I was getting back into it. Good songs though.
The Joker was totally irrelevant. Harley could have maintained her great character without him, leaving DC to introduce him in a Harley solo or the new Batman film? Maybe. While Jared Leto was excellent, his screen time absolutely did not call for the amount of ridiculous prep he did. I have heard that a lot of his scenes were cut.
I realise that just about everything I’ve written is negative, but I did in fact enjoy Suicide Squad. The chemistry was good between the cast members, Batman made a couple of cool cameos, the scene where Deadshot utterly annihilates an entire troop of those weird alien things is amazing and there were some cool moments, some fun moments and some reasonably emotional moments.
Now that DC have had a couple of films to ram a whole bunch of characters down our faces, hopefully the follow ups will be a little more stripped back. Too much has happened in two movies!
But go see Suicide Squad, like I said, I don’t know why, but it was worth it despite all it’s flaws. Also, with it only being two hours long the ultimate director’s best bits highlights cut might be worth watching.
Have a nice day, bang bang! – Cactus Jack