Wrestlemania 32: Darren v Emerald II

It’s  that time of year where I talk about wrestling again!

So, at SummerSlam last year, Emerald beat me in our little prediction battle by one match. This Sunday, I will have my revenge!

First, let’s see the contenders. Emerald is EM, I am DH, I assume this is obvious but you never know in this world. It’s spandex time!

Oh yeah, just to mention – just like last time… – there are some sweary words below that don’t appear in my usual blogs. You’ll once again notice, that they are all Emerald. Leggo.

Kalisto (c) v Ryback

EM: Ryback, cos… Ryback.

DH: Kalisto, cos… Kalisto. And I like to see the title retained for a while. Next.

The Total Divas v B.A.D. & Blonde

EM: That sounds fucking horrific. Go with Paige then. I stick by what I said. (The Total Divas)

DH: Can’t argue that this match sounds utterly pointless and awful. Going with Paige as well, and do not really want to say any more about this. There’s a team called The Total Divas, and Summer Rae and Lana were fighting each other the last time I watched this thing.

The Usos v The Dudley Boyz

EM: Don’t really care, but I’ll say, mmmm…. I’ll guess, The Usos.

DH: Go Dudleyz! But yeah The Usos will more than likely win, and I like them so let’s both go for them.

Triple H (c) v Roman Reigns

EM: ROMAN REEEEIGNS! -laughs when she sees that’s what I’d already written.- I do like Triple H but Roman Reigns is my fav. After last year we deserve a win.

DH: Everything just screams Roman Reigns, it’s so obvious to me that he’s gonna end up champion again. That’ll make him a three time WWE Champion if I’m not mistaken, which in the space of a year is ludicrous. So on that I’m kinda hoping WWE swerve us all and I’m going for Trips. Man looks huge and can’t wait for his entrance this year.

Dean Ambrose v Brock Lesnar

EM: Sigh. I’m going to guess that there will be 8 German Suplexes. There’s gonna be a lot of running around outside the ring. I reckon Brock’s gonna bleed. It’s hard to say who will win, like if wrestling was real then Brock Lesnar would win. Dunno I’m just going to have to take a wild guess at this one and say… What do you think?

DH: Well you’ll hear what I think in about five minutes.

EM: Well i can’t decide. Brock, go Brock.

DH: Must be Lesnar, surely. The stipulations give Ambrose a chance, but surely surely Shirley it’ll be Brock. And I’m saying 11 Germans.

Shane McMahon v Undertaker

EM: Undertakerrr. That’s who I want to win. I like The Undertaker.

I took a brief sidebar to explain the stipulations of the match to Emerald and she is sitting wide eyed at me.

EM: They can’t do that! It’s Undertaker. See if he loses I’m gonna biff. Well, yeah, out of hope. I actually, like, I always just predict who I want to win.There was one at Summerslam that I didn’t want to win. I’m cold it’s cold.

DH: I don’t know what I want to happen. I don’t want Undertaker to lose to a part time guy who hasn’t been around in about six years and doesn’t exactly put on five star matches, but Shane winning and taking over Raw would be better for the long run. But since I just watch the PPVs and am not in it for the long run I’m also going Taker.

Charlotte (c) v Becky Lynch v Sasha Banks

EM: I literally could not give a fuck.Go with Sasha Banks, but I literally couldn’t care any less. Like I’m bored even just talking about it. Like I could probably win that match. I could probably win all the matches to be fair. It’s just not as entertaining.

DH: This is the women’s match I really want to see. I hope they get a good half hour and smash it our of the park. I also hope Becky wins, cos outside of Paige she’s my fav. Expecting good things and the crowd to be into it!

Kevin Owens (c) v Sami Zayn v Dolph Ziggler v Zack Ryder v Sin Cara v Stardust v The Miz

EM: Are they all against each other? It’s gonna come down to Ziggler and The Miz. And The Miz is probably gonna win to piss everybody off. It’s the WWE, they like to piss people off. Unless it’s a kid with cancer, then they’re nice. How do they even make that type of ceiling?

DH: There are no words to respond to this answer. I fancy Owens for another retention, but I’ve already got both the other singles titles being defended, and I think Owens is off to hopefully higher things. Nothing else makes sense to me though, too soon for Zayn, too late for Ryder, Miz and maybe even Ziggler. I like the idea of champion vs champion Sin Cara v Kalisto, but I’ll say Sami Zayn because that’s what I see happening.

AJ Styles v Chris Jericho

EM: Jerichooo! We saw him in December and he kept smiling at me and he doesn’t wash his hands after going to the toilet. I got the setlist, from the show, and I’m doing my next pole dance to one of his songs.

DH: Gotta be Styles, hopefully they do better by him than they did Sting. I just hope they don’t screw him over because of his TNA ties. Fully expecting this to be my favourite match of the night.

Andre the Giant Battle Royale

EM: I don’t know, that’s too many people. Read them again. I’d say like, Big Show, Kane and Mark Henry will definitely be in there for a while. But that’ll be the thing won’t it the last four people will jump out, cos noone cares about the rules. (What?) I’d like to see Kane win. So I vote for Kane. Not Trump.

DH: Do not care but I really hope The Wyatt Family aren’t in it. Let them go cause carnage in all the other matches. I’m gonna have Cesaro come back and win it, because why not.

New Day v League of Nations

EM: (itching leg and purring) I’m so cold. Not too bothered about this match. I’ll say League of Nations will win. I don’t care enough to say anything witty.

DH: League of Nations. No titles on the line, 3v4 match, I hope they just make them look good, because I think they could and should be interesting.


Two days to go, I really hope Bray Wyatt has something to do with a big match this year. To go from Undertaker to nothing in a year is ridiculous. Any appearance from Shawn Michaels is also always appreciated by me.

Have a nice day, bang bang! – Cactus Jack


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About Darren Hyland

If I don't see you, good afternoon good evening and goodnight! Check the About Darren page for a bit more on me.

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