My greatest fears
During a midnight pre-bedtime conversation with Emily, the topic of a certain shared fear was discussed. I therefore felt it would make people happy if I shared with everyone a list of things I am scared of. Or bum everyone out who reads this. It’s a risk I’m sure you’ll take.
I’m not so bad on much really, stuff like scary movies, ghosts and walking through dark woods and streets at night don’t really bother me. Most of the things on this list are concepts, what ifs that may or may not happen.
Spiders. I can’t be alone here. I’m fine with small ones, ones that I can get with a napkin or toilet roll or such like. Mid-sized ones I can even get with a glass if there on the floor or table or something. Just those absolutely monstrous things that exist only to fill our lives with torment. Those guys have to be called house spiders don’t they, couldn’t call them outside spiders or three miles underground spiders.
Going bald. The conversation with Emily that started this whole list was about being bald. I know what you’re thinking, how can a girl go bald? Can a girl go bald? I honestly don’t know, but if I were a girl I think I’d still be frightened of losing my hair. Ever since I decided to grow it it’s probably been the main reason people like me. If it starts to recede I’m going to defy its wishes and just go full Hulk Hogan with it. Only without the pythons and steroids and handlebar moustaches and insufferable offspring.
Disapproval. This has just been added last minute, as another couple of conversations has made me wonder why I haven’t got a tattoo yet. Main reasons being cost, and whether one person will even like it and another person will rip off all of my arm or just the skin that has the tattoo on it. The first person being Jess, second being mother. But just in general, I don’t worry about what most people think, just the ones that I care about. They tend to make me think twice about any big decision though.
Getting fat. I don’t look very nice as it is, so being even fatter wouldn’t really help. It’s not the most terrifying thing I can think of, just something I’d rather avoid. I don’t want to be a big beer bellied 40 year old, rather still be in some kind of shape. Good thing I never go out at uni. Also being fat means I’ll be even more unfit than I am now, I would like to stay somewhat mobile for all my life.
Being jobless. This isn’t so much an immediate problem, nothing to do with the fact I may not have a job for much more of the summer. More to do with me having only one more year of uni left before I have to actually go out and find full time work. Finding 10 hours a week took over 20 applications, so how or where I’m going to find a full time job to support myself when I move out is very scary. The whole moving out of my mum’s house idea in general frightens me, but in a good way.
Jess going away. This was called losing Jess, but that seemed too soppy even for me. Although I suppose I’m not really that much of a lovey dovey sort of guy, more just an idiot, which amounts to the same thing I suppose. I am very very happy and I would like it to stay this way for ever and ever. Plus it’s like half price rent and car insurance and stuff, although that is counterbalanced by an enormous shoe budget.
Death. Obviously. I have made sure I’m not the only person who will sit there every few weeks and just think about what will happen to me when I die. Whether there is an afterlife or reincarnation or just nothingness. I hope the latter doesn’t happen as I hate sitting still for a film that goes over 150 minutes, let alone doing nothing for all eternity. Also makes me think of the people in my family who I know I’m going to outlive, and deluding myself into thinking I’m prepared.
Sorry if this list has made you think about all this future dread, especially the last one. Asking someone what they think happens after you die is a bit like asking a friend to imagine their parents having sex. Sorry if that bummed you out as well.
Long post. If anyone can be bothered reading any more things by me please look at my home page. I have a lot more lists that are collecting in this page/link here.
Have a nice day, bang bang! – Cactus Jack