Budapest 2018

So, as of July 15th, 2018, Emerald and I have been married a whole year.

Because we are such adorable legends, we flew ourselves off to Hungary for our paper anniversary.

Our hotel had as much free tea as you could be bothered to go and make, so we spent a lot of time drinking tea and watching Brooklyn Nine-Nine, which is just the most us way to spend a holiday ever. Also I ate a ton of fast food, which is the most me thing to do on holiday…

We did feel like we should probably go explore the lovely city of Budapest, it was 31 degrees and insanely dry the entire time we were there.

First day we walked across the bridge into Buda (our hotel was in Pest) and checked out the castle. The architecture is very British in design, but a bunch of cool twists to it. Look at the Parliament building!!! (It’s the one in the first and last pictures that looks like ours if it were in Game of Thrones).

A few negatives real quick, I don’t want to dwell on bad stuff.

Some of the streets smelled really bad, maybe it was the heat making it worse I don’t know. It was smelly though.

The one thing we actually paid for was the Holocaust Memorial. It was super disappointing. After seeing the Anne Frank House in Amsterdam, this was just paragraphs on paragraphs of information and history. Possibly interesting to history buffs, but there were very few artifacts or things of that nature to actually look at.

The taxi service we booked for 4am to take us back to the airport was 40 minutes early, so obviously we were not awake. Emerald ended up giving the poor man behind the desk a piece of her mind and got the taxi to come back for us. It was awesome.

Enough bad stuff, here are some more pictures.

More good things! The weather was brilliant, if a little too warm for my English self, but the air conditioning in our room made up for that.

Like Prague and Krakow, everything was super cheap. We brought back half our spending money, so anyone wanting a city break for less than 400 pounds each all in should make this a place to see.

Right by the Buda side of the river is a big hill towards the castle, not much fun for a pair of smokers… The castle itself is surrounded by a bunch of beautiful buildings and views, and was my main highlight of the trip that wasn’t food or Netflix.

Also all the locals were really nice and patient, and I cannot say no to a continental hotel breakfast.

Prague is still my favourite European city I’ve been too, but Budapest was well worth the trip.

And that’s about it! No more holidays planned for the near future, but I realised I haven’t put anything on here from our honeymoon in Vegas, so I will make that happen soon.

Happy anniversary to us! Here’s to planning for next year.

Also I have a Twitch now, so if you like people playing games badly and swearing at constant Fortnite death, come give me a follow! Just click here to go to my channel.

Have a nice day, bang bang! – Cactus Jack


A list: Go-to songs #2 – 23.4.13

Oh my golly gosh another golden draft, I’m going to schedule this one to go up four years since it was created. Wait it’s 2018 now? Five years since it was created. I was also writing it at 1am, as I had a wild uni life back then.

So these are all songs that were in my regular rotation back in April 2013. Three of them came out that year, I was big into Save Rock and Roll when it came out.

I started this little series to see what my music tastes were like at any given time. The fact that it went unpublished for four five years gives me a chance to line it up with five tunes I have on repeat right now.

Spoilers: all ten songs are pop-punk, and all ten are awesome. Not one of these new songs were released when I started this article. Onwards!

2013 Top Five

S.O.S. – Good Charlotte (Chronicles of Life and Death, 2004)

Ah, revisiting these songs is so fun. Little gem from the Chronicles album, took me a while to find but once I did I couldn’t listen to anything else for like a week.

Alone Together – Fall Out Boy (Save Rock and Roll, 2013) 

This album has fallen off my radar a lot in the last couple of years. Fall Out Boy have released two since then, the newest I haven’t even heard yet. Saw them at Leeds in 2016 and they are still great live, this is still my favourite song from this album and I will be listening to it again once I’m done here.

Aint It Fun – Paramore (Paramore, 2013) 

Now, if I’d remade this list last year there would more than likely be three new Paramore songs on it. After Laughter took a little while to grow on me but it is so good, and such a risk that you can totally see coming now in songs like this one.

Circular Logic – Carridale (Relapse In The River City, 2011)

I have not listened to Carridale once since I left uni. Maybe once. I don’t remember. Anyway, this was just one of those related artists I came across on Spotify. Really good album, haven’t listened in years.

The Phoenix – Fall Out Boy (Save Rock and Roll, 2013) 

Great intro, still a great band, but this year especially I’ve been finding a lot of new bands thanks to the magic of Spotify’s suggested songs and having to drive to work every day.

2018 Top Five

Sister Cities – The Wonder Years (Sister Cities, 2018)

Brand new, had it on constantly since it was released right before my birthday. The Wonder Years are and always will be the best pop-punk band on the planet to me, and fingers crossed I’ll have seen them for the third time before this post goes up.

Royal – Waterparks (Double Dare, 2016)

Pop-punk is a funny genre, one that a lot of (incorrect) people think doesn’t exist at all. This is probably the most out there album I’ve heard since After Laughter. Hoping to see them next year, unless I went to one of the March gigs and have already written about by the time this goes up…

Paradise – Broadside (Paradise, 2017)

A band I hoped would play Slam Dunk actually got announced when I asked them to! One of the aforementioned bands I found on Spotify (I actually have Neck Deep’s newest album to thank for these last three bands).

Mess – Real Friends (The Home Inside My Head, 2016)

Band two that I correctly predicted for Slam Dunk! Granted I had about twelve guesses and only got the two, but I have a history of sucking at everything so this is good going for me. I could also have picked The Rich Life of a Poor Man for this spot, I just wish I could find it on YouTube to repeat forever.

Left For Dead – ROAM (Great Heights & Nosedives, 2017)

Cannot help but sing this chorus over and over, infectious band and album and they were one of my incorrect Slam Dunk guesses. Incorrect so far… So if you like a band, go see them. Time’s a wastin’, I could have seen Oasis. I could have seen Oasis.

I need to go sit in a corner and play Little By Little for a while. Thanks for reading!

I’ve thrown a bunch of other old lists down here to get more clicks it seems, so let’s keep those there now that these are all five or six years old.

Hooray for lists, here are some more: Songs 5.4.13Creepy or Common 1Creepy or Common 2Top 22 Albums 1, Top 22 Albums 2Top 10 Actors.

Bye bye!

Have a nice day, bang bang! – Cactus Jack

Harry Potter Studios 2016

So while attempting to delete my second blog from my account (yes I have a second blog, I used this page for uni so there’s a bunch of attempts at journalism on here somewhere) I ended up on my drafts. And as it turns out, there are a couple of posts that I swear I’d already written on there…

So here we are with the first of them, scheduled to upload two years to the day of us actually going!

The drive was looong. A twelve hour, 600 mile round trip is not fun. We had two nights in a really nice hotel though, and some tasty food. We also went to a big sound stage to look at some old film props.

That is literally all I had written on the draft, so after I stopped laughing I had to think back and remember what we actually did. Luckily, I have a whole album to jog my memory! Looking back through these will be a chance to admire Emerald’s red hair and the fact that I haven’t changed a single bit in two years.

So yeah the drive sucked, but the hotel I booked was lovely, and we had a beautiful birthday dinner for Emerald where I had cake brought to us but no songs sang by anyone. Nailed it. On to more Potter pictures.

First of all, I have to point out that I am no Harry Potter fanboy. I read all the books when I was a kid, and I’d seen all the movies before I met Emerald – I’ve seen them all about 80 times since – but I’m not super into everything about it so I’m sorry if I get things wrong.

The sets they had through the whole tour were really cool, the best ones being the Great Hall right at the start, the outdoor set with houses and the Knight Bus (think that’s spelled right), and the Hogwarts Express.

Diagon Alley was cool, and there were a whole bunch of mannequins with different costumes from different films which I really liked, especially on the train. Emerald absolutely loved the entire thing of course, I think I’ll struggle to ever top this birthday.

The creatures were also all cool, but the huge Aragog above on the doors frightened Emerald and we had to hurry through to the next area.

It was a really nice day, I guess the south are used to having actual summers. I wish I’d got a couple of pictures of the hotel and the meal, but instead here are more pictures with one of me being exactly the same as always.

I also lost the ones I took on the train itself, but I have a few demonstrating how cool the mannequins were. The temporary exhibit was about Hagrid and had a big cool full size costume and once again I don’t know where those pictures went…

Collection of mannequins here, it looks weird but it really made me see into the making of the films somehow.

There are SO many props to look at it took us a good two hours to get through everything. I may also have put a photo or two in here twice, if so I apologise but they are in no kind of order and I wish I could remember which order we saw everything, but I can’t remember what I ate last week.

I could look up when Alan Rickman died, but I’m guessing it wasn’t long before this trip. I got Emerald a Pygmypuff (sp?) and we named him Alan after good ol’ Snape.

Oh! I forgot about the outdoor pictures, which brings me onto the one thing that was a huge let down for the day: the Butterbeer. It, was, awful. Like, the frothy stuff on top was like the end of a pint of lager, and the actual liquid tasted like three year old cream soda. Picture features a woman with dual ice creams though!

Lastly we have all the photos that I either couldn’t fit into a category or I forgot I’d already put them in somewhere else. Awesome trip, even for someone who’s not a huge Potter nerd. Would recommend for anyone who has enjoyed any of the Harry Potter franchise.

Side note before the actual real last set of pictures; how good is the soundtrack to Scrubs? I really don’t know where that show would’ve been without it’s montage music. And yes, I am watching the one where Ben get diagnosed with leukemia.

Anyway, the very end had a cool miniature of the entire castle and was awesome, and that’s pretty much all I got. Sorry about the two years that went by since I actually went! And the nine months or so since I last put up anything… Next holiday scheduled is Download which is going to be just the best thing ever, but by the time this goes up we may have organised something for Emerald’s birthday, who knows!

Just glad to be back in the swing of doing things that make me feel content.

Have a nice day, bang bang! – Cactus Jack

My Wrestlemania 34 predictions

It’s Wrestlemania week again! To celebrate, I’m watching Wrestlemania 30 for the first time while preparing all of our accounts to move house, and it made me think that now I’m writing semi-regularly again I should bring back my little set of predictions.

(Last time I did a set of wrestling predictions I told my buddy Dan at The Visual Guyz that I’d beat them, and I got a full house, so come at me guys. You can find their channel here, if you want to see more predictions that aren’t as good as mine.)

Anyway, let’s find out what matches are going down on Sunday. My lack of current wrestling knowledge is embarrassing at times.

André the Giant Memorial Battle Royal

We’ll start off with the two Battle Royals, and therefore the two hardest matches to predict for someone ho hasn’t been watching the product week to week. Going to keep these short and just pick a winner off the announced participants.

Matt Hardy. His Broken gimmick is brilliant, and this is exactly the kind of thing WWE would give him to make it look like they know what they’re doing with his character, only for him to fall off the face of the earth. (Looking at you, Mojo Rawley and Baron Corbin…)

WrestleMania Women’s Battle Royal

Women’s wrestling has come such a long way even since Wrestlemania 30. I’m currently watching the Vickie Guererro Invitational Divas Battle Royal or something along those lines. Whatever it is, it’s the only women’s match on the entire show.

Hopefully this one won’t be quite as terrible and will show off a few upcoming stars… Like Ruby Riott. With any luck WWE will make this match mean slightly more than the men’s one has recently, and she’ll get a decent kick out of it.

Sidenote: How amazing would AJ Lee be in this division right now?

Cedric Alexander vs. Mustafa Ali – Cruiserweight Championship match

Couldn’t care less, get rid of 205 Live and get the cruiserweights back on the main roster. Cedric Alexander, literally because I have to pick one because if Dan picks up my challenge I might need this point.

Brock Lesnar (c) vs. Roman Reigns – WWE Universal Title match

Reigns, right? If not, why go through with the match with The Undertaker? This has been in the works for three years, the day Reigns conquers Lesnar and takes all that momentum absolutely nowhere, because nobody cares. Reigns should look at AJ Styles’ match with Lesnar, and copy that with a little more offense.

It’s harsh, and Reigns is definitely talented, and the match will be excellent, but imagine someone like Daniel Bryan or Braun Strowman, even someone like Nakamura, Balor or even The Miz(?!) beating Lesnar for the title? I just hope they have the sense not to put this on last, it’ll kill the show.

AJ Styles (c) vs. Shinsuke Nakamura – WWE Championship match

I don’t quite have the hype for this that a lot of fans do, mainly because my only exposure to Nakamura has been in WWE, and his run so far has been extremely underwhelming.

I think AJ should retain, and will retain in a match that will bring back some of the excitement and mystique of Shinsuke Nakamura. Not quite a show stealer, but one of the top matches on the card.

The Miz (c) vs. Seth Rollins vs. Finn Bálor – WWE Intercontinental Championship match

This match will be the best of the night. Miz has been on a roll for years now, and for me deserves another run at a top title. Because of that though, the Intercontinental belt looks important again, and having top guys like Rollins and Balor going after it helps it’s prestige.

I would love Miz to retain, but the WWE do like stepping on his toes just as he’s doing something special with this title, so I can see them giving Rollins the win, I believe that would make him a Grand Slam champ if he’s not already.

No, he’s not. Rollins wins and joins his SHIELD teammates in the list of Grand Slam Champions. I’m a sucker for a triple threat match.

Randy Orton (c) vs. Bobby Roode vs. Jinder Mahal vs. Rusev – WWE United States Championship match

I don’t know how, when or why Rusev was inserted into this match, but I can’t see him or Jinder Mahal getting near this title. Either Orton is retaining, or Bobby Roode will win his title back after a month, in an utterly pointless move.

Since I’ve gone for a title change in the IC match, I’ll say Orton retains.

The Usos (c) vs. The New Day vs. The Bludgeon Brothers – WWE SmackDown Tag Team Championship match

I’m really glad that WWE are using Luke Harper and Erick Rowan again, not such a fan of them stealing their first names off them.

It’s surely too soon to put the tag titles on them though, and with The Usos in the form of their lives it would be a shame for them to lose their championships. I’ll take The Usos, and hope they move on to a feud with The Bludgeon Brothers.

Kurt Angle and Ronda Rousey vs. Triple H and Stephanie McMahon

Finally, a match that isn’t a Battle Royal or for a championship. Ronda Rousey’s massively anticipated debut must end in a win, a pin, and absolute domination of Stephanie McMahon.

Angle & Rousey to win, the match will be underwhelming if it goes more than seven or eight minutes, but I can’t see that being an issue with so many matches on the card.

Daniel Bryan and Shane McMahon vs. Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn

This feels just like Kurt Angle’s in ring return, entirely wasted.

Daniel Bryan could have had any number of great singles matches to return with at Wrestlemania, and he’s stuck in a plodding, uninteresting story with Shane McMahon, Kevin Owen and Sami Zayn.

I feel as though Owens & Zayn should win too, which leaves Bryan coming back with a loss. They’ll pull off a good match though.

Alexa Bliss (c) vs. Nia Jax – WWE Raw Women’s Championship match

Alexa Bliss is one of my favourite wrestlers today. Her run has been brilliant, in an age where fans cheer people for being bad, she’s the most hated woman in WWE since Vicki Guerrero. The men have The Miz, the women have Bliss.

Nia Jax has been made to look strong without being a real, viable championship player for a while now, and I think the same will be true on Sunday. Bliss to win via nefarious means.

Charlotte Flair (c) vs. Asuka – WWE SmackDown Women’s Championship match

Asuka. Easy. They surely won’t end her streak before she’s won the top title in the division, as whoever beats her for the belt down the road (probably Rousey) will get a way bigger rub.

Fully expect Charlotte to put in the performance of the night in making Asuka look amazing too.

Cesaro and Sheamus (c) vs. Braun Strowman and TBD – WWE Raw Tag Team Championship match

I’m really excited about this match. Partly because Cesaro and Sheamus are amazing, and partly because I’m hoping that Bray Wyatt returns in some form to be Braun’s partner.

It’s a long shot, and I personally think when wrestlers are written off television it should be for months, giving them the bigger surprise return. But it’s too close to Mania now, and I need Bray to come back.

Whatever happens, Braun won’t take the pin. I’m even going to say Strowman & Wyatt to win.

John Cena vs The Undertaker

This is the toughest to call. Do you give Taker the win? Does Cena really need to be the third person to beat The Deadman? Will this be Undertaker’s last match?

I am just praying that after his hip replacement The Undertaker can have a better match with Cena than he had last year with Reigns. If it is his final send-off, he deserves better than Wrestlemania 33.

I’ll say Cena sends Undertaker into retirement with the win, in a match I’m sure everyone wants to see. I just hope it lives up to the hype.

(This match hasn’t actually been confirmed as far as I can see at the time of writing, but come on, it’s happening.)

That’s all from me and my predictions, check back on Monday and see if I got any right at all…

I bet I get more than The Visual Guyz though. I’ll embed their predictions here if Dan’s not too scared to post them. Bring it!

Have a nice day, bang bang! – Cactus Jack

Dublin 2016

I’m currently sat listening to Manchester United, by the sounds of it about 75 minutes away from losing to Chelsea, and so figured while I await the inevitable I pop up a little article on our Dublin holiday from 2016.

Albus and Opie are sprinting about all over the place too, so it’ll probably take me until the end of the match to have this finished because I keep getting distracted by rabbit-shaped shenanigans.

Dublin was a) beautiful and b) an absolute steal, as our return flight was delayed by four hours and we essentially got refunded the whole trip by RyanAir.

Man Utd 0-1 Chelsea. Sure…

When we got to Dublin we had one thing planned; a tour of the Guinness Storehouse. My dad loved a Guinness and it was the one place I really wanted to see. Plus, I wanted to pour my own pint!

Man Utd 1-1 Chelsea YES LUKAKU!!!

Anyway, the Storehouse was really cool, I always prefer free-roaming tours rather than being led around in groups. The very top was a panoramic bar area where we enjoyed a pint and some amazing views out over the hills. We also met some guys who I believe were from Pakistan if I remember rightly, it was a weird holiday where we actually spoke to other humans.

Also Emerald had planned ahead and had some custom made pint glasses waiting for us at the store when we got there because she is the best. I don’t often use them because they are very special.

After that we went to that famous place I’ve forgotten the name of, Temple Bar? Yes it was in Temple Square too I believe, apparently it’s a big place to see in Dublin. We sat at the bar and used our special glasses for another couple of pints of Guinness. We almost lost them to the bar but fortunately I caught them before they accidentally put them away. Switched to whiskey after that…

After that we chatted to a couple of American girls for a while, and took them to the restaurant adjoining our hotel because we wanted some more of the greatest chips in the whole world. Seriously, the food at that place was outstanding and now I’m hungry. If you’re ever in Dublin, go to The Gasworks.

We had seen a sign that day for a Rock n Roll museum, so the next day we had a wander back into the city and checked it out. It’s actually a still-functioning studio, and also has Michael Jackson’s pyjamas on the wall…

I’ve lost Albus… One sec.

Alright found him sleeping under the table. The museum had so much cool stuff, records from quite a lot of bands I am a fan of; Feeder, Arctic Monkeys, AC/DC and a bunch of others. There was also a studio where people could make absolute cringeholes of themselves with a full band setup, and a dressing room with riders from bands who had stayed in the studios over the years.

Lastly, the top floor is entirely dedicated to Thin Lizzy. Along with the original analogue mixing desk are guitars and recording equipment the band used. All really cool for fans of any sort of rock music.

The prices in the city itself aren’t exactly cheap, but they’re no more expensive than somewhere like Manchester. I’d really recommend Dublin for a little city break, especially in the sunnier months.

I will leave you with that picture of MJ’s pjs. And the football is still on, I did it!


Fine set of pyjamas, but where are the bottoms…?

Have a nice day, bang bang! – Cactus Jack

Poland pictures: Krakow 2015

As promised (two and a half years ago), here are the many many pictures I took while we were on holiday in Krakow in October 2015. Enjoy! You can read about the time we had in my words post here. I may actually go back and check it out myself, this blog is a great way for me to remember things that happened more than three hours ago.


It’s mainly the salt mines, and I am sorry if a lot of them are too dark to really see but it was really dark, so not much to be done as I am not yet proficient in any kind of photo editing. Hope you enjoyed!

Have a nice day, bang bang! – Cactus Jack

New year update!

Hey strangers!

I know, I know, it’s been like another nine months that I haven’t posted anything. In my defense my laptop broke…

So since people are still checking in and reading my old stuff (thank you so much everyone) just a quick update on what I’ve been up to since last May!

I got married in July! We had an amazing time, an great evening and we had a fantastic honeymoon in Las Vegas! Should really share more about that in a full post, was awesome.

New Year’s Eve was lots of fun, we went from a couple of drinks at our house to staying at the rock bar in town until closing time, beforehand we ordered RIP Download tickets (!!!) as well as Ashley and I booking to go to Slam Dunk for the third time.

Since the new year rolled around I’ve had a little motivation to actually go after some of the things I never thought I could, and on the back of that I started up my own channel. If anyone wants to check that out you can find it here. I’ll be putting it all on YouTube as soon as I get the gear to record and edit too!

So yeah, I’ve got a couple other things in the pipeline for 2018 which I will be sharing here so fingers crossed a lot more content coming on the ol’ blog.

Also, it’s my birthday in 21 minutes!!!

Until then…

Have a nice day, bang bang! – Cactus Jack

Guardians of the Galaxy: Vol 2

I wrote this as a sample piece for a potential article submission site, but they rejected it because I couldn’t physically format it to their spec, so screw it, I’ve written it, people can read it if they want. May expand it past the word limit they gave me at some point.

After breezing into the Marvel Cinematic Universe with 2014’s Guardians of the Galaxy, director James Gunn set out to conquer the sophomore slump. With Vol. 2 he will have satisfied many, but some will be let down by the slightly bloated plot and very familiar third act.

The film centres around Chris Pratt’s leading man Peter ‘Star-Lord’ Quill, and his relationship with his father Ego, an ancient, godlike played brilliantly by Kurt Russell. The original cast return, but we are treated to some new faces across the 136 minute runtime. Sylvester Stallone joins to lend his weight to a franchise famed for it’s levity. If you listen carefully enough, you’ll even hear Miley Cyrus lending her voice.

Vol. 2: Too much, or too little?

The main issue of the film – to me, at least – is that it doesn’t quite know what it wants to accomplish. There seems to be a slight discord between Gunn’s vision and Marvel Studios’ plan for their universe. The Ravagers and The Sovereign are both elements that were given a lot of time, seemingly with spinoffs in mind, which gave us less time with the guardians we fell in love with in the first place.

Splitting the team up for a large chunk of screen time helped to get a lot of character arcs in, Quill, Gomorrah and Rocket all progressed as characters over the course of the film, but Drax the Destroyer and Yondu were the standouts; Drax providing much of the comedic relief and Yondu capping off a rather mundane third act with the deepest emotional beat of the movie.

Managing people’s sky-high expectations on Guardians 2 was always going to be a tough task, but another stellar soundtrack and the same brilliant characters absolutely puts Vol.2 among the upper tier of Marvel movies.

Summerslam 2016 reactions!

Right, I already tried writing an intro here but my phone decided to wipe everything off that post. To sum it up, Summerslam was really, really weird.

The order of the matches was kind of all over the place, the world title was put in an awful position, the new ‘world’ title looks ridiculous and the crowd. Oh, the crowd just took me right out of the whole thing.

I’ll just have a quick run through the matches that I actually saw (I may have missed the preshow because zzzzz).


JerichOwens def. Enzo & Cass 

JerichOwens is better than JeriKO. It just is. 

The match was decent, they’re all charismatic as hell and I really like Owens and Jericho as a team, even if it is just something for both guys to do for a while.

The finish was a little messy, Y2J was a tad late on the Codebreaker. I expect better matches to come in this fued as it goes on. 60%

Charlotte def. Sasha Banks (c)

I can only assume that Sasha Banks is taking some time off. I am not a fan of really short title reigns, and this one just seems like it should have gone longer.

The match itself was surprisingly shoddy. Banks got dropped nastily on her head twice, one looked like her own fault, the other Charlotte’s. If there’s one thing good wrestlers do though, it’s sell those kind of botches, and Sasha certainly did that. I thought she was legit injured for a good five minutes.

Creative finish, sets up a rematch well enough as Sasha had her submission locked in. I also thought the position on the card was weird, especially with what followed leading up to main event. 53%

The Miz (c) def. Apollo Crews 

Miz is turning into a grand IC champ. The hate the guy gets is going to end up causing a huge pop for whoever takes that belt from him.

Last night was not the night for Crews. The match was fine, forgettable but not offensive. Probably a combination of Miz not being quite technical enough and Crews not quite being over enough. The win came out of nowhere, a couple of extra minutes would have pushed the match up a mark. 45%

AJ Styles def. John Cena 

Match of the night. Match of the year, even. Incredible wrestling from two incredible wrestlers, and sooner or later people will start seeing John Cena as one of the top wrestlers working right now.

The pair of them did things I’ve never seen before, an absolute classic from the second AJ won clean. Where does he go now, do we have Styles v Ambrose in store? 

Quick note, the way the crowd treated Cena while he attempted to have a moment in the ring was disgusting. Yeah the man’s probably not retiring, but booing him was unacceptable. 97%

The Club def. The New Day (c) by DQ

Meh. Jon Stewart. The whole Doctor thing. Big E. drinking his testicle formaldehyde. Big E. apparently having a testicle that looks like a lemon.

There was also a wrestling match, it was fine. Fine. Swap this with the Women’s Title match on the card and we might have got a better brawl out of those ladies. 50%

Dean Ambrose (c) def. Dolph Ziggler

I don’t watch WWE programming religiously, so I was confused watching the WWE Championship match and seeing Dean Ambrose looking very heelish. It suited him to a degree, but if he is going bad it seems a bit soon. 

I was sure this match would be great, but on the theme of the night it was just fine, passable. I expected high 80s, I ended up under 70. The charisma of both Ambrose and Ziggler kept this match from being as low as some of the matches that preceded it. 68% 

Natalya, Alexa Bliss & Nikki Bella def. Becky Lynch, Naomi & Carmella 

Cigarette break. I love Becky Lynch, but six people tag matches very rarely hold my interest. On that note it may be unfair to give it the lowest mark of the night, but it’s the only one that made me want to leave the room. Also, Nikki Bella is back. Yay. 35%

Finn Balor def. Seth Rollins – Balor wins the WWE Universal Title

First off, Balor winning is a mistake to me. Rollins was the number one draft pick, should have carried that first title, which is a world title by the way. Finn Balor is a world champion. How long did it take Roman Reigns, and how much does he get booed for it?

Their situations are obviously separate; Balor having worked for over a decade on other continents, but I just think it would have made more sense for Rollins to carry the top Raw title, since he’s been there before.

As a match it was enjoyable, certainly not the match of the night as I had predicted, but still a good first big battle between these two. With luck they’ll clash again down the line and get better and better. The lack of drama hurt, Balor won after one single Coup De Grace. 75%

Rusev v Roman Reigns – no contest

As a buffer between the main events this worked, putting another full title match in here would exhaust the crowd before Lesnar-Orton. It did drag a little though, for me they took five minutes from another match on the night. Not a lot to rate, the Spear saved it totally dragging and flopping. 50%

Brock Lesnar def. Randy Orton 

Well, I find myself in Catch 22 with this one. This match should not have closed the show, but would we have got that same shock from that ending if there was more to come? I’d have a world title match to finish, but they were both lacklustre. 

So we find ourselves – at four o clock in the morning I might add – staring in utter bemusement at Randy Orton with a split head, Lesnar looking like he’d had a look at the script, wasn’t a fan, and decided to spill a puddle of Orton’s brain onto the mat.

The match was Lesnar being Lesnar, Orton hitting an RKO out of painfully obviously not nowhere, and then just beginning to build up some steam before the aforementioned head-splitting. If they had two more minutes of Orton offense, this match could have been up in the high 80s for me.

Was the finish worked? Was Shane supposed to come out and eat an F-5? Whatever the hell happened it made for a must see moment that adds to the Brock Lesnar mystique. What’s the last match you watched that contained bleeding, that didn’t involve Lesnar? 82%

My first reaction after watching was that it was a pretty good show. Having slept on it, Summerslam was really quite average. Cena-Styles was amazing, Lesnar-Orton was compelling, but other than that not much to say. Without having read them, I think I did really well with my predictions this time around. Check them out if you like on my sports page. 

Summerslam 2016 predictions! Darren v Emerald III

(This is unfinished, I forgot to get Emerald’s opinions and she’s in bed now as I watch SummerSlam, I just want it to be clear I made these predictions beforehand. Will update tomorrow hopefully) 

Anyone who still cares about these know the deal by now, so let’s just do it!

*epic intro music would go here if this were a video*

Carmella, Becky Lynch & Naomi v Natalya & Alexa Bliss

DH: I don’t think I could possibly care less. Team Becky Lynch because she’s my fav.

Cesaro v Sheamus 

DH: So apparently this is a best of seven, I assume Sheamus will win the first and Cesaro will play catch up because that makes watching this match seven times more exciting.

The Miz (c) v Apollo Crews

DH: Miz to retain, he’s actually doing well at the moment and it’s too soon for this Crews chap.

Enzo & Cass v Chris Jericho & Kevin Owens 

DH: Maybe Jericho and Owens, they’ve just started teaming so give them a win. Plus they’re both hilarious. 

The New Day (c) v The Club

DH: New Day, they just won’t lose those titles ever until WWE push it too far and everyone gets sick of them. The Club are good though, and I have great respect for those who are bald yet grow beards.

Sasha Banks (c) v Charlotte 

DH: Sasha just won it right? So Sasha Banks. I am famed for my disdain for short title reigns. Famed by me. 

Rusev (c) v Roman Reigns 

DH: Please don’t give Reigns a title right after he gets suspended. That would be a stupid. Rusev should win, though I’m not a huge fan. 

Brock Lesnar v Randy Orton 

DH: I put this here hoping the two championship matches go on after it, but looking at them that’s not really going to happen is it? This is the toughest one for me, I don’t think anyone should beat Lesnar, but what good does that do? Orton, why not.

Seth Rollins v Finn Balor 

DH: Rollins, easy. Match of the night though.

Dean Ambrose (c) v Dolph Ziggler 

DH: Ambrose, easier. Stunned that Ziggler even has a title shot. Should be the second best match of the night.