Guardians of the Galaxy: Vol 2

I wrote this as a sample piece for a potential article submission site, but they rejected it because I couldn’t physically format it to their spec, so screw it, I’ve written it, people can read it if they want. May expand it past the word limit they gave me at some point.

After breezing into the Marvel Cinematic Universe with 2014’s Guardians of the Galaxy, director James Gunn set out to conquer the sophomore slump. With Vol. 2 he will have satisfied many, but some will be let down by the slightly bloated plot and very familiar third act.

The film centres around Chris Pratt’s leading man Peter ‘Star-Lord’ Quill, and his relationship with his father Ego, an ancient, godlike played brilliantly by Kurt Russell. The original cast return, but we are treated to some new faces across the 136 minute runtime. Sylvester Stallone joins to lend his weight to a franchise famed for it’s levity. If you listen carefully enough, you’ll even hear Miley Cyrus lending her voice.

Vol. 2: Too much, or too little?

The main issue of the film – to me, at least – is that it doesn’t quite know what it wants to accomplish. There seems to be a slight discord between Gunn’s vision and Marvel Studios’ plan for their universe. The Ravagers and The Sovereign are both elements that were given a lot of time, seemingly with spinoffs in mind, which gave us less time with the guardians we fell in love with in the first place.

Splitting the team up for a large chunk of screen time helped to get a lot of character arcs in, Quill, Gomorrah and Rocket all progressed as characters over the course of the film, but Drax the Destroyer and Yondu were the standouts; Drax providing much of the comedic relief and Yondu capping off a rather mundane third act with the deepest emotional beat of the movie.

Managing people’s sky-high expectations on Guardians 2 was always going to be a tough task, but another stellar soundtrack and the same brilliant characters absolutely puts Vol.2 among the upper tier of Marvel movies.

Summerslam 2016 reactions!

Right, I already tried writing an intro here but my phone decided to wipe everything off that post. To sum it up, Summerslam was really, really weird.

The order of the matches was kind of all over the place, the world title was put in an awful position, the new ‘world’ title looks ridiculous and the crowd. Oh, the crowd just took me right out of the whole thing.

I’ll just have a quick run through the matches that I actually saw (I may have missed the preshow because zzzzz).

Spoilers! 

JerichOwens def. Enzo & Cass 

JerichOwens is better than JeriKO. It just is. 

The match was decent, they’re all charismatic as hell and I really like Owens and Jericho as a team, even if it is just something for both guys to do for a while.

The finish was a little messy, Y2J was a tad late on the Codebreaker. I expect better matches to come in this fued as it goes on. 60%

Charlotte def. Sasha Banks (c)

I can only assume that Sasha Banks is taking some time off. I am not a fan of really short title reigns, and this one just seems like it should have gone longer.

The match itself was surprisingly shoddy. Banks got dropped nastily on her head twice, one looked like her own fault, the other Charlotte’s. If there’s one thing good wrestlers do though, it’s sell those kind of botches, and Sasha certainly did that. I thought she was legit injured for a good five minutes.

Creative finish, sets up a rematch well enough as Sasha had her submission locked in. I also thought the position on the card was weird, especially with what followed leading up to main event. 53%

The Miz (c) def. Apollo Crews 

Miz is turning into a grand IC champ. The hate the guy gets is going to end up causing a huge pop for whoever takes that belt from him.

Last night was not the night for Crews. The match was fine, forgettable but not offensive. Probably a combination of Miz not being quite technical enough and Crews not quite being over enough. The win came out of nowhere, a couple of extra minutes would have pushed the match up a mark. 45%

AJ Styles def. John Cena 

Match of the night. Match of the year, even. Incredible wrestling from two incredible wrestlers, and sooner or later people will start seeing John Cena as one of the top wrestlers working right now.

The pair of them did things I’ve never seen before, an absolute classic from the second AJ won clean. Where does he go now, do we have Styles v Ambrose in store? 

Quick note, the way the crowd treated Cena while he attempted to have a moment in the ring was disgusting. Yeah the man’s probably not retiring, but booing him was unacceptable. 97%

The Club def. The New Day (c) by DQ

Meh. Jon Stewart. The whole Doctor thing. Big E. drinking his testicle formaldehyde. Big E. apparently having a testicle that looks like a lemon.

There was also a wrestling match, it was fine. Fine. Swap this with the Women’s Title match on the card and we might have got a better brawl out of those ladies. 50%

Dean Ambrose (c) def. Dolph Ziggler

I don’t watch WWE programming religiously, so I was confused watching the WWE Championship match and seeing Dean Ambrose looking very heelish. It suited him to a degree, but if he is going bad it seems a bit soon. 

I was sure this match would be great, but on the theme of the night it was just fine, passable. I expected high 80s, I ended up under 70. The charisma of both Ambrose and Ziggler kept this match from being as low as some of the matches that preceded it. 68% 

Natalya, Alexa Bliss & Nikki Bella def. Becky Lynch, Naomi & Carmella 

Cigarette break. I love Becky Lynch, but six people tag matches very rarely hold my interest. On that note it may be unfair to give it the lowest mark of the night, but it’s the only one that made me want to leave the room. Also, Nikki Bella is back. Yay. 35%

Finn Balor def. Seth Rollins – Balor wins the WWE Universal Title

First off, Balor winning is a mistake to me. Rollins was the number one draft pick, should have carried that first title, which is a world title by the way. Finn Balor is a world champion. How long did it take Roman Reigns, and how much does he get booed for it?

Their situations are obviously separate; Balor having worked for over a decade on other continents, but I just think it would have made more sense for Rollins to carry the top Raw title, since he’s been there before.

As a match it was enjoyable, certainly not the match of the night as I had predicted, but still a good first big battle between these two. With luck they’ll clash again down the line and get better and better. The lack of drama hurt, Balor won after one single Coup De Grace. 75%

Rusev v Roman Reigns – no contest

As a buffer between the main events this worked, putting another full title match in here would exhaust the crowd before Lesnar-Orton. It did drag a little though, for me they took five minutes from another match on the night. Not a lot to rate, the Spear saved it totally dragging and flopping. 50%

Brock Lesnar def. Randy Orton 

Well, I find myself in Catch 22 with this one. This match should not have closed the show, but would we have got that same shock from that ending if there was more to come? I’d have a world title match to finish, but they were both lacklustre. 

So we find ourselves – at four o clock in the morning I might add – staring in utter bemusement at Randy Orton with a split head, Lesnar looking like he’d had a look at the script, wasn’t a fan, and decided to spill a puddle of Orton’s brain onto the mat.

The match was Lesnar being Lesnar, Orton hitting an RKO out of painfully obviously not nowhere, and then just beginning to build up some steam before the aforementioned head-splitting. If they had two more minutes of Orton offense, this match could have been up in the high 80s for me.

Was the finish worked? Was Shane supposed to come out and eat an F-5? Whatever the hell happened it made for a must see moment that adds to the Brock Lesnar mystique. What’s the last match you watched that contained bleeding, that didn’t involve Lesnar? 82%

My first reaction after watching was that it was a pretty good show. Having slept on it, Summerslam was really quite average. Cena-Styles was amazing, Lesnar-Orton was compelling, but other than that not much to say. Without having read them, I think I did really well with my predictions this time around. Check them out if you like on my sports page. 

Summerslam 2016 predictions! Darren v Emerald III

(This is unfinished, I forgot to get Emerald’s opinions and she’s in bed now as I watch SummerSlam, I just want it to be clear I made these predictions beforehand. Will update tomorrow hopefully) 

Anyone who still cares about these know the deal by now, so let’s just do it!

*epic intro music would go here if this were a video*

Carmella, Becky Lynch & Naomi v Natalya & Alexa Bliss

DH: I don’t think I could possibly care less. Team Becky Lynch because she’s my fav.

Cesaro v Sheamus 

DH: So apparently this is a best of seven, I assume Sheamus will win the first and Cesaro will play catch up because that makes watching this match seven times more exciting.

The Miz (c) v Apollo Crews

DH: Miz to retain, he’s actually doing well at the moment and it’s too soon for this Crews chap.

Enzo & Cass v Chris Jericho & Kevin Owens 

DH: Maybe Jericho and Owens, they’ve just started teaming so give them a win. Plus they’re both hilarious. 

The New Day (c) v The Club

DH: New Day, they just won’t lose those titles ever until WWE push it too far and everyone gets sick of them. The Club are good though, and I have great respect for those who are bald yet grow beards.

Sasha Banks (c) v Charlotte 

DH: Sasha just won it right? So Sasha Banks. I am famed for my disdain for short title reigns. Famed by me. 

Rusev (c) v Roman Reigns 

DH: Please don’t give Reigns a title right after he gets suspended. That would be a stupid. Rusev should win, though I’m not a huge fan. 

Brock Lesnar v Randy Orton 

DH: I put this here hoping the two championship matches go on after it, but looking at them that’s not really going to happen is it? This is the toughest one for me, I don’t think anyone should beat Lesnar, but what good does that do? Orton, why not.

Seth Rollins v Finn Balor 

DH: Rollins, easy. Match of the night though.

Dean Ambrose (c) v Dolph Ziggler 

DH: Ambrose, easier. Stunned that Ziggler even has a title shot. Should be the second best match of the night. 

Suicide Squad spoiler review 

Back to the blog! Toyed with trying to start a YouTube channel but I don’t yet have the testicles for it. 

Speaking of YouTube, one of my most favourite people has started up his own channel, and two of the videos he’s put up will be the same as my weekend’s posts, so go check him and his friend out here. 

Onwards with the review! 

Suicide Squad was so enjoyable. I have no idea why. The film in general was a complete mess plotwise, and it played out like a slightly less convoluted Batman v Superman. Feels like we could have had two or three movies for these characters before this one to give them all the time and stories we need to care about them. 

Deadshot and Harley were the best characters, shockingly they had the most screen time and character development. Captain Boomerang was fun (well done Jai Courtney) but underused, as was Diablo. I just straight up didn’t like Killer Croc. 

I’m sure there was someone else, but the fact I can’t remember tells me they didn’t need to be there. 

The Enchantress was not great but she did the job. Although I didn’t know what the hell her and her brother were doing or why, they worked as well if not better than any other recent superhero film villain.

I liked the relationship between Rick Flag (Rick? I can’t remember again) and Deadshot, for the most part. I just wouldn’t have made them be such bros at the end, like Mr. Flag literally threatened to kill them all for the entire film, just to be forgiven because he’s sad about his girlfriend. At least she wasn’t called Martha.

The one thing that contributes more to the overall confusion – behind the plot – is the flip flopping that goes on with the characters. 

So at first they’re prevented from abandoning their nonsensical mission by explosive chips in their neck, but then as soon as Mr. Flag disarms the chips they just follow him into a massive-as-balls third act fight because his girlfriend is still inside evil Cara Delevigne somewhere. 

Also, didn’t Boomerang actually leave in that scene only to reappear in the slomo montagey walking into the danger shot? Was that just for a cheap laugh or what?

I liked them killing off Slipknot early, it showed they weren’t messing on with their killing death chips. There were a few bits that gave me a chuckle but the constant pop songs through the first third were so distracting. Like totally took me out of the film every time I was getting back into it. Good songs though.

The Joker was totally irrelevant. Harley could have maintained her great character without him, leaving DC to introduce him in a Harley solo or the new Batman film? Maybe. While Jared Leto was excellent, his screen time absolutely did not call for the amount of ridiculous prep he did. I have heard that a lot of his scenes were cut. 

I realise that just about everything I’ve written is negative, but I did in fact enjoy Suicide Squad. The chemistry was good between the cast members, Batman made a couple of cool cameos, the scene where Deadshot utterly annihilates an entire troop of those weird alien things is amazing and there were some cool moments, some fun moments and some reasonably emotional moments. 

Now that DC have had a couple of films to ram a whole bunch of characters down our faces, hopefully the follow ups will be a little more stripped back. Too much has happened in two movies!

But go see Suicide Squad, like I said, I don’t know why, but it was worth it despite all it’s flaws. Also, with it only being two hours long the ultimate director’s best bits highlights cut might be worth watching. 

Have a nice day, bang bang! – Cactus Jack 

Prague 2016!

Another classically late post about something I did months ago. Today, the holiday I went on in January with Emerald…

I can’t even remember if I put the photos from Krakow up on here last year, I certainly meant to. Anyway, this will be pretty much the same as what I hope I did with that trip, more pics, minimal droning from me.

And if I didn’t remember Krakow, expect that along with Harry Potter Studios later on this week…

Luckily these are all in order on my laptop! Makes things easier. First up I have to say we almost spent our holiday in Manchester, we got stuck in traffic for 2 3/4 hours on the way. A burning shortbread lorry nearly cost us our flight in classic England fashion. We got to the airport with about 45 minutes to get parked, through customs and find the gate. Positive side, no waiting around in the terminal for hours!

So we made it, and we made more than one trip to this awesome comic book store between our hotel and the town centre. As well as these really cool busts of Iron Man they had a whole bunch of figurines and clothing and general merchandise. Oh and lots of comic books. They were Czech though obviously.

DSC_0017DSC_0016

This was where Emerald got a very nice Star Wars jacket and I got a Watchmen hat. There is below a three floor musicy comicy clothesy place in town that was very rock and very exciting.

I also got a Sparta Prague shirt to go with my Poland shirt from Krakow so that was very exciting for me. Anyway, now here are all the pictures of nice looking things, starting with all the ones I found of the town square and the buildings in it. We had two full days there and spent six hours wandering around both days.

There were a lot of Segway people wandering around renting out Segways for some reason. We did not take one. Oh also there was a bubble man blowing lots of bubbles!

Also also every hour on the hour the astronomical clock (bottom middle and top right) chimed and a little Death came out of the top and rang an equally little bell.

On our last full day there, we had another wander through the town, but we came across a couple of fun museums that we walked through and got a few pictures. One was a torture museum, the other one was a wax museum. Let’s see them now.

Not a lot of information or tour guide type things going on, but it was about £5 to go through it and was pretty fun.

The wax museum was cool, halfway through where the sports players are there was a lifesize Pong you can play by controlling the paddles with your hands. We both sucked at it.

Most of these are Emerald being very silly with waxworks, which I assume we’re all okay with. I also apologise if some of the pictures turn out quite small, WordPress has put in a new feature that makes adding lots of pictures easier but arranges them in a weird random mosaic. Also, yes that is a football goal in a urinal.

Another lovely experience we had was at the Cafe Louvre, somewhere Albert Einstein used to go and be in. They had tasty cake and turtles in a tank!

Lastly, this was the view from the top of the tower in the square. Prague is such a lovely city and everyone should go and look around.

It was actually quite warm for January, and we could not throw money away for the life of us. I brought about a third of my spending money back, and I was walking around on the last day actively trying to spend it.

So them’s all my pics, I’ll go back and make sure Krakow is up and if it is then Harry Potter Studios will be next. The hotel was really nice too, byeeeee.

Have a nice day, bang bang! – Cactus Jack

(Almost) immediate WrestleMania reactions

WrestleMania is over, I wore a tiara throughout. Let’s talk about it. The show, that is. I feel the headwear accented my shirt wonderfully. Okay now the show. After this…

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I honestly can’t remember the first match. Five hours is a long time. Speaking of which, it’s 6am and I still can’t sleep so I’m going to write some things.

Quick caveat on everything from here on in: it’s my opinion. If I say something wasn’t right or was brilliant, just put ‘in my opinion’ at the end of it, I’m not typing it out 800 times. 6am.

Oh it was the ladder match! That was quite good, Ryder popping up and winning was a great twist I didn’t see coming at all.

Jericho v Styles was my match of the night, as I thought it might be. Brilliant, wasn’t sure why Jericho got the win but looking back he is still Chris Jericho, he should still win quite a lot.

I had no interest in the tag match, luckily I was sat back down in time to be knocked speechless by Shawn Michaels’ music. Then Foley’s. Then Austin’s! Then they all danced with The New Day and I can’t decide if it was even worth having them for that. I think it was though.

Ambrose v Lesnar was good, but felt like it ended way too soon and too abruptly. It was building really well and then an F5 and then over. Hmm. Don’t even get me started on a chainsaw being part of any of that match, or WWE, A PG WRESTLING SHOW.

The Women’s title looks fine, I prefer the old Women’s belt but any toddler’s doodle would be better than that butterfly belt. Good that it’s being put on a par with the men’s title though. Match was also great, the ending not so much.

Shaq. Good. Battle Royal done.

Undertaker v Shane-O-Mac was bang average, and honestly pretty boring. I didn’t expect much more to be honest. Then Shane jumped off the cell and I forgot everything else that has happened this week. Except legends dancing. Just kick them all HBK!

Main event was meh. Triple H’s entrance was so underwhelming, which is acceptable as he is the bad guy in this feud but still, meh. Steph’s speech before it was pretty excellent though.

The match again was okay, really good in places. It was just so obvious that Reigns would win and the fans did not agree with this, but he put on another good match. Maybe one day he’ll be accepted.

So the Wyatts did appear. They got squashed and ridiculed by The Rock, and then John Cena came back and helped to crush them further. However, they got mic time with one of the biggest stars ever, and a small amount of ring time with two of them. Let’s just hope it leads somewhere they can benefit from, cough cough Brock Lesnar cough cough what the hell ever happened to that angle cough cough cough.

All in all it was a good WrestleMania. Not great, not awful, just not particularly memorable I don’t think. Shane MacMahon has given me the only memory I’ll probably take from the whole show. Just a couple of tweaks to the finishes and the match times and I’d have been a lot happier.

Well I saw HBK and Bray Wyatt, which was what I was after. I felt like the Wyatt segment was a total waste of time to get Cena back in alongside Rocky for some cheers, but if it ends up leading to a big time feud they actually win it will be well worth it.

That’s about it for now, this has made me sleepy. It’s now 6:15am, for all my thoughts as they happened check my Twitter. It should be right next to this post at the top of my page.

A chainsaw. Who believes that on a live television show, a pg television show, that a chainsaw would be used in a fight? I know we suspend a LOT of logic when it comes to wrestling, but that was just too much for me.

Have a nice day, bang bang!  – Cactus Jack

Wrestlemania 32: Darren v Emerald II

It’s  that time of year where I talk about wrestling again!

So, at SummerSlam last year, Emerald beat me in our little prediction battle by one match. This Sunday, I will have my revenge!

First, let’s see the contenders. Emerald is EM, I am DH, I assume this is obvious but you never know in this world. It’s spandex time!

Oh yeah, just to mention – just like last time… – there are some sweary words below that don’t appear in my usual blogs. You’ll once again notice, that they are all Emerald. Leggo.


Kalisto (c) v Ryback

EM: Ryback, cos… Ryback.

DH: Kalisto, cos… Kalisto. And I like to see the title retained for a while. Next.


The Total Divas v B.A.D. & Blonde

EM: That sounds fucking horrific. Go with Paige then. I stick by what I said. (The Total Divas)

DH: Can’t argue that this match sounds utterly pointless and awful. Going with Paige as well, and do not really want to say any more about this. There’s a team called The Total Divas, and Summer Rae and Lana were fighting each other the last time I watched this thing.


The Usos v The Dudley Boyz

EM: Don’t really care, but I’ll say, mmmm…. I’ll guess, The Usos.

DH: Go Dudleyz! But yeah The Usos will more than likely win, and I like them so let’s both go for them.


Triple H (c) v Roman Reigns

EM: ROMAN REEEEIGNS! -laughs when she sees that’s what I’d already written.- I do like Triple H but Roman Reigns is my fav. After last year we deserve a win.

DH: Everything just screams Roman Reigns, it’s so obvious to me that he’s gonna end up champion again. That’ll make him a three time WWE Champion if I’m not mistaken, which in the space of a year is ludicrous. So on that I’m kinda hoping WWE swerve us all and I’m going for Trips. Man looks huge and can’t wait for his entrance this year.


Dean Ambrose v Brock Lesnar

EM: Sigh. I’m going to guess that there will be 8 German Suplexes. There’s gonna be a lot of running around outside the ring. I reckon Brock’s gonna bleed. It’s hard to say who will win, like if wrestling was real then Brock Lesnar would win. Dunno I’m just going to have to take a wild guess at this one and say… What do you think?

DH: Well you’ll hear what I think in about five minutes.

EM: Well i can’t decide. Brock, go Brock.

DH: Must be Lesnar, surely. The stipulations give Ambrose a chance, but surely surely Shirley it’ll be Brock. And I’m saying 11 Germans.


Shane McMahon v Undertaker

EM: Undertakerrr. That’s who I want to win. I like The Undertaker.

I took a brief sidebar to explain the stipulations of the match to Emerald and she is sitting wide eyed at me.

EM: They can’t do that! It’s Undertaker. See if he loses I’m gonna biff. Well, yeah, out of hope. I actually, like, I always just predict who I want to win.There was one at Summerslam that I didn’t want to win. I’m cold it’s cold.

DH: I don’t know what I want to happen. I don’t want Undertaker to lose to a part time guy who hasn’t been around in about six years and doesn’t exactly put on five star matches, but Shane winning and taking over Raw would be better for the long run. But since I just watch the PPVs and am not in it for the long run I’m also going Taker.


Charlotte (c) v Becky Lynch v Sasha Banks

EM: I literally could not give a fuck.Go with Sasha Banks, but I literally couldn’t care any less. Like I’m bored even just talking about it. Like I could probably win that match. I could probably win all the matches to be fair. It’s just not as entertaining.

DH: This is the women’s match I really want to see. I hope they get a good half hour and smash it our of the park. I also hope Becky wins, cos outside of Paige she’s my fav. Expecting good things and the crowd to be into it!


Kevin Owens (c) v Sami Zayn v Dolph Ziggler v Zack Ryder v Sin Cara v Stardust v The Miz

EM: Are they all against each other? It’s gonna come down to Ziggler and The Miz. And The Miz is probably gonna win to piss everybody off. It’s the WWE, they like to piss people off. Unless it’s a kid with cancer, then they’re nice. How do they even make that type of ceiling?

DH: There are no words to respond to this answer. I fancy Owens for another retention, but I’ve already got both the other singles titles being defended, and I think Owens is off to hopefully higher things. Nothing else makes sense to me though, too soon for Zayn, too late for Ryder, Miz and maybe even Ziggler. I like the idea of champion vs champion Sin Cara v Kalisto, but I’ll say Sami Zayn because that’s what I see happening.


AJ Styles v Chris Jericho

EM: Jerichooo! We saw him in December and he kept smiling at me and he doesn’t wash his hands after going to the toilet. I got the setlist, from the show, and I’m doing my next pole dance to one of his songs.

DH: Gotta be Styles, hopefully they do better by him than they did Sting. I just hope they don’t screw him over because of his TNA ties. Fully expecting this to be my favourite match of the night.


Andre the Giant Battle Royale

EM: I don’t know, that’s too many people. Read them again. I’d say like, Big Show, Kane and Mark Henry will definitely be in there for a while. But that’ll be the thing won’t it the last four people will jump out, cos noone cares about the rules. (What?) I’d like to see Kane win. So I vote for Kane. Not Trump.

DH: Do not care but I really hope The Wyatt Family aren’t in it. Let them go cause carnage in all the other matches. I’m gonna have Cesaro come back and win it, because why not.


New Day v League of Nations

EM: (itching leg and purring) I’m so cold. Not too bothered about this match. I’ll say League of Nations will win. I don’t care enough to say anything witty.

DH: League of Nations. No titles on the line, 3v4 match, I hope they just make them look good, because I think they could and should be interesting.

 

Two days to go, I really hope Bray Wyatt has something to do with a big match this year. To go from Undertaker to nothing in a year is ridiculous. Any appearance from Shawn Michaels is also always appreciated by me.

Have a nice day, bang bang! – Cactus Jack

Everything RIGHT with Batman v Superman

I went to see Batman v Superman this week with four people. Talking about it when we came out with two others, three hated it, two enjoyed it and one was Ashley who has no opinion on any film unless it’s Monty Python.

I loved it. Watching Dan Murrell talk about the death of Superman on Screen Junkies is making me a little less excited looking back, as his/the comics way sounds way cooler.

I’ve seen and heard and read almost universally mixed to negative things about the movie – and it is a bit of a mixed bag, it’s not perfect by any means – but I am an optimistic person and won’t be including any of that stuff in here, it’s already everywhere else.

Rather than doing a big long pro review I’m gonna go the way of my Force Awakens review and do some hopefully snappy quick points from what I recall of the movie that I only saw two days ago…

Read More…

Deadpool: awesome!

I’ve literally just got in from watching Deadpool and eating pizza thanks to Emerald treating me lots for my birthday.

Spoilers incoming, I guess. I mean, it’s two hours of violence and swearing and boobs and penis jokes, does plot really matter here? Sort of, but not really.

If there are any typos please do keep any corrections until the morning when I can bothered to do something about them. I run a professional blogging service here don’t you know.

Okay, so it’s more like word vomit and every thought I have goes straight onto the page in the order they leave my brain, rather than the order they probably should go in. Who wants to be like everyone else though?

Enjoy my disjointed ramblings, I’m going to bed.

I had high hopes for Deadpool, and it was brilliant. Twenty minutes in I wanted the DVD.

I expected it to be an 18, but the 15 rating doesn’t detract from the blood and swearing and insults, so that didn’t make too much of a difference.

The main character is the main reason to watch this movie. Ryan Reynolds plays him in such a breezy, sarcastic, laid back way that really speaks to me somehow…

The fact that it turns into a bit of a love story save-the-girl-from-bad-guy thing seems a little contradictory to the rest of the film, which sets out to be the least Marvel Marvel film ever, but pretty much everything that comes before it is gold.

Apart from the rest of the boring lovey bits, although the first flashback gives more depth and character development in ten minutes than the rest of Marvel’s big budget action fests.

The inherent anti-hero attitude is what worked for Stone Cold Steve Austin (old 90s wrestling reference). While it is really weird to see him being all despondent and emotional in patches, it kinda works until the last cliché at the end. It is hard to imagine a guy who constantly jokes about dicks (not a complaint) being crushed and heartbroken though. Back to talking about Deadpool here, not Stone Cold.

Deadpool’s sidekicks are just kind of there. They don’t offer a lot, other than Deadpool breaking his everythings on Colossus and his metal testicles. Next to the charisma and style of Deadpool, his two allies just seem out of place. Having said that, there are so many little fourth wall jokes; the studio being priced out of more X-Men for the movie, a Weapon XI action figure from Origins: Wolverine, and so on, it makes it worth having them around.

So yeah, I’d give the film a solid 9, probably level with Guardians on my list of Marvel offerings. The infallibility of the lead hero – used loosely – and villain could make the fight scenes a little futile, but the way those scenes are shot make them some of the most fun sequences in the whole thing. The freeze frames and slow motion, along with the regular fourth wall breaking and jabs at Hugh Jackman are all just my favourite.

Speaking of fun sequences, the opening credits are wonderfully playful, and are actually returned to as a separate scene later on.

That’s pretty much all I either enjoyed or care about right now as I’m quite sleepy, so headlines are as follows: Ryan Reynolds has finally found the Marvel character he’s born to play.
The kiss the girl foil the bad guy bit is way overplayed, as this film references itself in the opening scene. Bit hypocritical, and my only real negative here.
Some of Deadpool’s reactions and general silliness: totally hilarious.
Triple kill headshot. This is why Wolverine should have been a 15. At least.

Loved it, go see it.

Have a nice day, bang bang! – Cactus Jack

Star Wars

Happy New Year!

Last night was the first year I can remember where I didn’t end up watching Jools Holland.

Instead at Emerald’s I watched Hogmanay from Glasgow, obviously. Wish we could’ve been in Edinburgh watching Biffy Clyro, but Emerald’s house is warm and not £60 for the night.

Before that, we finally went to see The Force Awakens. Instead of doing a normal boring wordy post, I have a few points that came to me during the film, so I’ll share those in the hope I am agreed with.

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Spoilers below, obviously. I managed to make it two weeks from release without finding out any details, so if you still haven’t seen it then stop reading silly, the post is called Star Wars why did you even start?

I’m doing my best to record my thoughts at the time in the order I thought them. I can’t remember my own hair colour sometimes, so if it’s slightly non-chronological then oops.

Straight away, Stormtrooper blood. Already taking Star Wars in a gritty real dark modern gritty direction.

Kylo Ren looks awesome.

The new droid is quite funny, but BB-8 isn’t quite as iconic a name as R2-D2 or C-3PO. Although I suppose it’s not nearly 40 years old.

Also it seems to have more feelings than a droid should have. Blaming Disney.

I don’t think that pilot guy died in that crash, not sure why he ended up far away from the fighter without his jacket though.

OH MY GOD IT’S THE MILLENNIUM FALCON!

OH MY GOD IT’S HAN AND CHEWIE I CAN’T TAKE THIS NOSTALGIA.

A random Scottish man appeared.

Some random Asian men appeared.

Some giant weird creatures escaped and attacked all the people.

Chewie got shot. I don’t know what to do.

He’s okay it’s fine. If he dies I’m walking out.

Not a lot happened until Rey (Ray?) wanders into Luke’s lightsaber and some cool visions happen.

The bit with Luke and R2 from the trailer with his robot hand was so cool.

I think Rey is related to Luke somehow. I hope not, everyone seems to be related in this universe.

Resistance has arrived, here comes Leia.

Han and Leia.

Hahaha I’ve never been so happy to see C-3PO.

R2 is broken, he misses Luke doesn’t he :(.

Oh the First Order have a Death Planet. I hope noone sends a small fighter in to exploit its inevitable weak point.

So Rey has the Force, yeah she’s probably related to Luke.

Daniel Craig alert! Wouldn’t have known if I hadn’t been put on alert beforehand.

Ren’s being all vulnerable and weak, is he not pretty much a Sith Lord? What is this?

Aha, the Rebels have devised a plan to attack the weak spot of the Empire’s space station.

Oh wait.

Leia wants Han to bring their son back. Han’s going to die isn’t he?

Oh yeah I didn’t mention Kylo Ren is Han and Leia’s son. That Vader mask was epic.

Now they’re sneaking around the enemy ship, and trying to get the shields down for their ships overhead. I’d swear I’ve seen this before.

Chewie picked up a jacket for Han because he was cold. I love that wookie.

Chewie don’t die.

Han and Chewie are splitting up. One of them is going to die.

Don’t die Chewie.

Sad wookie noises.

Ben!

Don’t die Han, don’t go on that bridge.

Shit.

He won’t turn him good he’s the only cool villain in the whole film.

Dead. Liam Neeson x Emperor style.

Get him Chewie! Get him with your laser crossbow!

Saber battles. Pew pew. Rey wins, not sure why her and Finn can just use lightsabers nearly as well/better than Ren.

Death Star III is kaput.

All the people I care about are sad, apart from Han. Han is dead.

Rey is off to find Luke, looks like Ireland.

Big epic shot of Rey and Luke was kind of underwhelming. His robot hand looks less cool now.

End. Not happy.

Pretty sure that’s everything that I thought while watching, there were a lot of cool moments and up to Han dying it was brilliant.

One or two of the old characters dying is something I can deal with but not Han, in the first film of the trilogy, with hardly any screen time with Leia and no scene with him and Luke.

Apart from that, I think all was well, I’d put it up there just below the originals. Will probably go and watch again, might update as and when.

Happy 2016 all.

Have a nice year, bang bang!